Parking Lot Genius Patrol

having decided I am too healthy, I headed off to the McArches to get some McFood of dubious (prior word applies to next several) origin, consistency, nutritional value and quality...but food I McEnjoy nonetheless.

As I sat there at the drive through window, I was able to watch a comedy of epic proportions.

They have about 8 parking spots pretty close to the front door. One guy had scored the second closest space and decided to open his door wide while he fiddled around with something in the passenger seat, thus preventing anyone from using the empty space next to him.

(Genius number one. Also a jerk, a selfish, oblivious nincompoop of Congressional proportions.)

Along comes some middle age woman in a Mercedes. Never mind why someone in an expensive auto such as that would select the McArches when there are numerous other, more nutritional, healthier choices...mamacita wanted her grease.

Well, two spots further from the door was an empty spot. But that was too far to walk. After all, walking the space of 2 car hoods is what...8 steps? So she pulled ahead and waited for Genius number 1 to realize she was there.

Genius number two...a self-important, pretentious, and let us not forget lazy, middle age woman.

So Genius number two sits there glaring bullets at oblivious genius one for...I don't know, 45 seconds? while he continued sitting there with his door as open as it could possibly be.

After quite some time...long enough for her to have parked in the first open spot she came to and made her way all the way into the store, by the way...he realizes with a start she is there.

He starts to shut the door, she starts to pull in...and he realizes his leg is still outside the car. She has to jamb on the brakes.

Yes...in a parking lot where she has been at a dead stop for the better part of a minute, where the max speed she could reach if she drove a Ferrari and stomped on the gas might reach 8 mph in that space...she has to jamb on the brakes.

I am laughing so hard I cannot even reach up to take my bag of empty calories from the window server.

She looks up to see what I am laughing at and has to duck her head back inside so they do not see her laughing. I, not constrained by workplace responsibilities, make no secret of my mirth at their genius ways.

So the guy yanks his leg in, backs out as quick as he can, nearly clocking a bypassing car, and speeds off.

Genius number 2, obviously shaken by the experience, pulls in at such an odd angle that her rear tire is on one yellow line, her front tire on the other yellow line.

As she gets out, I am thinking the only way this could get any better is if she forgets something in the car and has to retrace her steps, thus losing every bit of ground she gained by waiting for the 'closer" parking space.

I am wrong. It gets better. Without her going back.

This woman, ostensibly late 50s or early 60s, climbs out of her Mercedes. And I bury my head in the steering wheel with great, shaking heaves of laughter.

She is wearing jeans with...what do you call it, pegged jeans? Where instead of getting pants that fit, you get them too long and so roll them up?

No offense to those of you who wear these...but that is a complete tool move.

Well, okay...some offense, but then again, I am offended looking at them. Grow up.

Of course, that would be bad enough...just wearing more make-up than Jezebel, too lazy too walk 8 extra steps, going all Mario Andretti in a parking lot from 6 feet away, and being a matron wearing a teen-age bad taste fashion.


But the reason I almost had to turn off my car in the drive-thru of McNutrition was HOW she pegged them.

To about 2" below the knees. Oh, how I wish I had my camera with me!

Hey, Snuffleupagus! Get out the way!

Stopped by Winco for a little light shopping. Come out and get my first fun note. I habitually park a fair distance from the doors just so people will not park next to me. Sometimes, such as tonight when my foot was bothering me particularly badly, this is at some personal cost. But I want to protect my vehicle as much as possible, so I do it.

And sure enough, right next to me, with about 40 spots closer to the store, some dude decided that was the perfect spot to park. Whatever.

Then, as I am pulling out of the lot, I see a great sight. A guy and a woman, possibly his mother, possibly his wife...yes, it was that hard to tell...are standing half in the roadway at a 45 degree angle to each other which meant they could not see each other.

And he keeps waving me through as she keeps starting forward with her shopping cart. So if I watch him, I would go just as she darted in front of me. If I watched her, he would get upset because he was waving me through.

This went on long enough that I turned off my car, put on the emergency break and sat there with my arms folded until they crossed the lane to clear a path for me to leave.

Thank you, redneck goonberries, for being so out of touch with each other that you manage to occupy the entire private roadway of Winco. Thank you for that 4 minutes of my life I will never get back. You are so awesome.

Not that we needed it, but here is one more reason public schools suck

As a general rule, speeches are hard to watch for me. They are long, dull, and the key points often sweep by so fast that the impact is hard to catch on the spot. A lot of things are missed. I much prefer to go back and read the text. 

(Which, by the way, is one reason I continue to point out that Obama is the most destructive President in history financially speaking: His stimulus package will cost our Grandchildren's grandchildren. What a disaster.

 Good to see he learned from the mistakes of his idol, FDR and the morass he plunged us into that is still expanding.)

At times, it is hard to find the text. Wonder why the NEA has not made public a text of his hate-filled, horrific closing speech?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqn1rvv7Fis&feature=related

His assertion that the teachers unions should not be about the teaching profession but should push a political agenda is revealing. 

"It is not because of creative ideas, it is not because of the merit of our position, it is not because we care about children, it is not because we have a vision of a great public school for every child. NEA and its affiliates are effective advocates because we have power and we have power because there are more than 3.2 million people who are willing to pay us hundreds of millions of dollars in dues each year because they believe we are the unions that can most effectively represent them, the unions that can protect their rights and advance their interests as education employees."

But he was not done with his brutal admissions.

Chanin said, “Why are conservative and right wing bastards picking on NEA and its affiliates? It is the price we pay for success. NEA and its affiliates have been singled out because they are the most effective unions in the United States and they are the nation’s leading advocates for public education and for the type of liberal social and economic agenda and social agenda that these (conservative) groups find unacceptable. NEA will continue to be attacked as long as we continue to be effective advocates for public education for education employees and for human and civil rights.”

Time for a reality check. No, you are singled out because you are not doing your job. As you admit, you are advocates for things it is not your job: an agenda that is humanist, not education related, and frankly, many of your social agenda platforms are immoral and in direct opposition to the very most cherished beliefs and values of your victims. 

A lot of it goes back to Charles Francis Potter who famously said, "Education is thus a most powerful ally of humanism and every American public school is a school of humanism. What can the theistic Sunday schools meeting for an hour once a week and teaching only a fraction of the children, do to stem the tide of a five-day program of humanistic teaching?"

Is it likely that Chanin is aware of the Potter quote? Irrelevant. The point is, many of us realize the goals of the schools is not to educate accurately, or even even-handedly but rather to take certain social agendas and push them as hard as possible. 

Many of us refuse to accept falsehoods taught as truth and thus are apparently "right wing bastards" as so called by the "loving" extremist leftists. 

I have never considered my self to be right wing, left wing, or any other wing. But I note that the rhetoric is getting more and more stiff. Anyone who does not bow to the agendas put forth by anti-moral forces is called "hateful" by only the kindest of our enemies and called much worse names by most.

Well done, resorting to name-calling when you push agendas that have no basis in authority other than your own think-so. People like you, Chanin, are why people like me push hard for charter schools, home school options, reforms of the schools, and so forth.

It is interesting to note where the interests of your supporters are. Reading the comments in favor of him was quite illuminating. There were many thanks for him keeping merit based stuff away from teachers. After all, why would we want to reward the good when we can just make it more important to hang in there for a paycheck regardless of ability?

Chanin is the type of person who is steering this country towards the looming disaster. Stepping down? Thank you. Good riddance. Isn't it just highly unfortunate that the idea you will be replaced by someone with an interest in improving education is unlikely to replace you? 

I see, icy, I see

So with all the ice and snow, we thought it would be fun to take Bella out in the snow for a little bit and let her play. She loves playing chace games where she takes something she knows she isn't supposed to have and we chase her. She also loves playing games where we throw a rope for her and she will fetch for hours.

That is what we did for a while yesterday, went out in the snow and played fetch.  She had a lot of fun and loved it. At some point, though, the Goose thought it would be fun to make a snow angel.

 

Well, maybe...but sh also shortly noticed something else. It was very, very cold to lay in the snow. I know, news flash, right? :-) But she loved doing it.

Got me to thinking. What would I do if the cold outside moved inside. For example, what if it got so cold the pipes froze? How would I thaw them out? I could call cousin Andrea the plumber or my old friend Dave, also a plumber. 

Or...and considering my brilliant mechanical past wherein I was unable to clean a tub plug, burned down a barbecue, etc., I could do it myself. But how best to clear frozen pipes? So many fine options.

For example, I could repair to the nearby lumberyard for some heat tape which in theory would do so slowly, safely and sanely. Or I could follow the example of those who have gone before, break out a kerosene torch to thaw it out and instead burn down my house....

I mean, what could possibly go wrong? Let's say you have a gas furnace or something. If your pipes freeze solid, rapidly heating them gives them an excellent chance to crack or develop leaks. How fun would that be? 

(thanks to Riot Kitty for the heads up on this genius)

Top 5 reasons you might sleep on the couch if you are a guy

5) Trying to sell her as if she were a used car

4) Revealing her age on a public forum

3) Referring to your children as "accessories"

2) Referring to her "spacious boot"

1) Pulling off the previous 4 simultaneously. By the way, that couch might be located at the base of the ocean...

What happened to Joe?

Athletes often need to get psyched up for big games. Different athletes have different ways of doing so. Some listen to specific music, others watch inspirational movies, and some teams go for swims in crocodile-infested waters.

Each of these methods has drawbacks; your I-pod might run out of batteries, for example. Or watching Rudy might cause issues for any diabetics on the team. Or you might exit the water with one fewer player than you entered with.

I mean, how awesome is that? You would think there would be a basic checklist before attempting that ceremony:
Everyone present?
Check.
We want to win?
Check.
"Crocodile repellent?
Check.
Can everyone swim?
No.
Okay, in we go.

Darwin has struck again. At least when he died it was for something important....

Darwin candidate?

You will note the distinct lack of Olympics coverage that this author has engaged in. Could not care less about the lighting ceremony (unless, of course, some oaf tripped, fell, and started a fire that torched a major city....that would be entertaining), did not cover the gymnastics or the ping pong or the trampolining (!) event, did not even cover the basketball, the one event I would theoretically be interested in. Frankly, the Olympics are something I simply have never cared about.

Over-wrought, over-hyped, and full of sports nobody cares about other than every 4 years. Then we celebrate people we never heard of before (for good reason) for years to come. Why should you know about Mary Lou Retton? Seriously? Okay, she landed a triple lutz backflip over the pole vault bar with a sprained ankle or some such magnificent feat that I didn't care about. Frankly, I find more impressive the feats of some of the people on the Doritos packages...young kids who have done things to change the world for the better. Yet even I, who am at least vaguely aware of them, don't know their names.

But let's look at the bright side. I am not so anti-Olympics that I would jump off a 2nd story balcony if someone forced me to watch them (Riot Kitty, you are the only one I currently know who HAS a second story, so I am looking in your general direction, though I suspect you watch twice as much Olympic coverage as I do...2 times zero is what?).

So I guess I am not as un-passionate about them as dingbat Cornel Hobai who, when his wife tired of him watching the Olympics and turned off the television responded as an intelligent, well-grounded, sane person would...and DID jump off the 2nd story. Unfortunately for my funny bone the doofus survived.

But maybe his efforts will give rise to some new Olympic-style events having to do with the extents people will go to in order to achieve their desires.

It's raining men (and women)

There is a song which has become quite an anthem in the cross-dressing lyp-synching crowd titled "It's Raining Men".

Interesting concept, and at some point you had to know it would replace "It's raining cats and dogs" as THE phrase to use. Of course, one couple may have taken it to far. They decided to rain off a 50 story rooftop while naked. Shockingly, neither survived the plunge. Cops think, based on their naked state and clothes found on the rooftop, they may have been having sex.

Wow, what a startling conclusion...how did you think of it? I would have guessed they were playing truth or dare, dared each other to get naked, saw what they looked like, told the truth, then dared each other to go base jumping, forgetting they were not wearing parachutes. At least, that is what I think happened...it makes more sense than bombing off a rooftop naked in the throes of passion....