Introspective...or maybe just rambling

So as I was picking sand out of my face (hole 4, the plug), I started thinking. Dave is always telling me I am too hard on myself, as are many other people...Riot Kitty has been known to say the same, JJ from softball. And I was wondering if it is true.

Part of it is my refusal to accept the aging process. Not that I am embarrassed or ashamed of being a late 30-something...but more that it frustrates me to not be able to do the things I used to be able to do. When I can't skip playing golf for four years, I often make no allowance for it. I think I should be able to walk out on the course, crank out 280 yard straight drives, chip within 6 feet of the cup, and never do worse than a 2 putt, ignoring the fact that golf is a complicated, difficult game with a lot of moving parts that even people who play regularly struggle with. I still think shots I could routinely pull off 8 years and 50 pounds ago are still manageable.

Same with softball. After not playing at all for nearly 20 years I still thought I should be able to go out, make all the plays I used to, run like I used to, hit like I used to...

And the same goes for other things. The job I have actually pays pretty well. Still, I look back at the guy who was in the Talented and Gifted programs, who spent most of his school career effortlessly piling up 4.0s, who showed so much promise and wonder...how in the world did I end up working this particular job? Where did all that promise go?

Oh, sure, I am good at what I do...but I could have been a history teacher, an author, a lawyer...I had the abilities, I just...I don't know, just never did. I got sidetracked.

So yeah, in a lot of ways, I am just a fountain of unfulfilled promise. Where I am is a middle age, overweight guy working what is really a dead-end job.

Of course, there is the other hand, too. I am very close with both my brothers and 1 of my sisters and get along quite well with a second sister, just don't talk to her as much, I have an awesome wife, good friends, and have a really good life. I get to watch lots of movies, golf a bit, play video games, visit with the family and friends...

Yeah, in some ways I might be full of unfulfilled promise but in more important ways I have to say...I have it made!