Things to do before having sex III

5) Safety first. Make sure you have a condom if you do not wish to have a baby.

4) Safety first II: Get checked out for STDs from time to time.

3) Safety first III: Make sure your partner is not A) currently angry at you and B) willing to express their anger through permanent harm (think Lorena Bobbitt)

2) Safety First IV: If you engage in S&M type games, make sure you do not lock each other up simultaneously and lost the keys

1) Safety first; if you decide to play S&M games where only one person is locked up at any given time, manage to retain the key, please, please...before you stick your penis in a padlock (!) make sure the key will still work after the lock is superglued. This will help you avoid any unpleasantness and embarassment when you must be rescued from your predicament by firemen.