One of the things the Goose would change about me if she could is I just do not get excited about much. When I look forward to things it is casual at best...honestly, in my life it seems the more I have looked forward to an event, the more disappointing it has generally been.
Example; though I vastly prefer riding with friends, on occasion I want to really push myself, test myself, see where I am at on a ride, which is firmly at odds with my preferred riding style with Fluffy the Cat where a more leisurely pace replete with conversation and stops to enjoy the scenery is more in order.
So when opportunity presented itself, I looked forward to it with relish, only to be greeted with an astounding level of disappointment.
If you want to go further back, I once went on a trip to Universal Studios Florida/Disneyworld/cruise to the Bahamas which arguably was the seed of my first marriage dissolving. Yeah, that is taking something I looked forward to and turning it into a disaster (though a blessing in disguise...had that marriage not disappeared, I would not have been blessed with my awesome wife I currently enjoy. But still...hard to call that trip anything other than a huge disappointment.)
So at some point I just...stopped. Oh, sure, I plan things and enjoy them, but I have trained myself not to look forward to them too much because...well...expectations = disappointments.
So with that preamble, let me just say...I am super excited for tomorrow.
I have been planning it for weeks, thinking about it a lot, prepping for it...I went to the library to get a book which I have been studiously reading.
I went shopping on black Friday. I spent a few pennies less than a hundred bucks getting ready for it.
Tomorrow, for the first time in something like 22 years I step onto a racquetball court.
I love the competition, sure...but even more than that, I love running and hitting the ball, getting to shots I have no right to get to, sweating rivers, and demonstrating athleticism.
I cannot truly put into words how much I am looking forward to it.
I always enjoyed playing racquetball and, in the cold, rainy winter months, having the opportunity to do so again has me in a place I seldom go...I am genuinely excited.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
2 months ago