People are funny. We can...and do...get used to a wide variety of things. Often truly horrific things. But we get used to them because...well, I guess because we are familiar with them.
It is true of a wide variety of things. Gas prices, for example. Currently they are about $3.19 a gallon here. About 2 bucks a gallon more than they should be. But there are no riots, no people boycotting it with any appreciable success...we just pay it. Because we are used to it now.
We work 5 days a week to have 2 days off. We celebrate small victories like getting paid to not work a half dozen or dozen days a year. Not real big deals...but we are used to it. We accept it.
Loved ones get sick and die, sometimes of horrible, wasting diseases like cancer. Some of us pray about it, some people curse about it, but in the end...we accept it. that is just the way it is.
I mean, there are times it still bothers me that Mom was just 45, had fought various cancers for nearly 15 years, had young kids, and died having experienced way too much pain her last couple of years...
But I accept she is gone. Dad has a new wife. For that matter...all six of us kids have (or in one case, simply had) a wife or husband of our own. Life goes on, we accept a sad truth...we will never see Mom again on this earth, never taste her holiday treats like peanut brittle, sugar cookies, etc. Never hear her laugh...or laugh at her waving the paddle around wildly as Mario goes careening off the cliff.
It is a truth, a sad truth...but we get used to it.
For the last year and a half, there has been a difficult situation, but I have gotten used to it. I know, I whine about it a lot...but that is because it is important to me.
My wife went to school across the country. She graduated. So since August 2009 we have seen each other only sporadically. It is so bad, my good twin even is closer to her than I am, as evidenced in this photo.
(For those who did not get the joke...I just claimed the Grinch, pre-heart enlargement, is my GOOD twin...thus insinuating SOMETHING about me...)
In that time, I have moved across town to be closer to work. I have a marvelous little apartment. Quiet. Close to work. All the amenities...computer, tv, heat, lights. Proximity to friends.
I got used to coming home to a dark, quiet apartment. Kind of like my own little Fortress of Solitude.
I even got to where I liked it. It was familiar. Comfortable.
Well, this past week my beloved better half was here visiting. And I have to say it was pretty awesome. In a way it was like when we first started dating or our honeymoon. It was all fresh and new. It was a tremendous amount of fun.
It reminded me anew of just how awesome my wife is and how fortunate I am to be married to her.
She did some amazing things, including hanging some pictures, some rearranging of things...the place is cleaner, cooler looking, etc. In fact, as I said to the guys at work, "for the last few months it has been a place I lived that was close to work. Now it is home."
This morning I dropped her off at the airport before work. Had a hectic day at work. had a post-work meeting. Got home...
and it hit me.
It is much harder coming back here and her not being here than it was. Because I am not used to her not being here again. It will take a bit of time to get used to it again.
In time, I will again get used to coming home to a place I live my wife doesn't. But right now I am not.
It is for a good cause we are doing this. We have plans in place to make sure it is not just bearable but as pleasant as possible to be apart while we are together.
And in a way, I hope I do not get used to it.
But I know I will, and in a way...that might be the saddest thing I have ever written. I do not want to get used to it. I want it always fresh in my mind what we are working for.
Do not know if that made sense...but if you read between the lines, there is one thing that should come through clearly.
Miss you babe. Come back soon.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
2 months ago