One more week of work and I am off to Nashville. While there I will be looking at potential jobs...just in case something pops up for both Em and i there.
Which got me to thinking.
I have really only ever lived between Goble, OR and Portland except about 6 months in Denver.
That means my life has, for the most part, been lived in a 45 mile radius.
I am comfortable here. The weather, massive rainfall aside, is relatively mild. No earthquakes worth discussing, the wildlife is not particularly deadly, no monsoons or tornadoes or hurricanes or...
You get the picture.
About the only people in danger are those who put themselves there. Mountain climbing, diving into shallow water, stuff like that.
There is a comfort level to being here. I know the towns and streets, I know the probable reactions of most people (though the massive influx of out of staters in the last couple decades, largely for tech and Nike jobs, has definitely impacted it. A much meaner, angrier state than when I was born in it)
The thought of moving holds certain terrors for me. I am not particularly good at making new friends. There are very few things I enjoy doing that other people enjoy as well.
At the same time, perhaps it would be a really good move for me.
Maybe being in a new place where I do not know the people, the mood, or the mores of the community would bring me out of the "shell" that I live in...the cocoon of comfort where I know the people I know and am fine with not knowing any more.
I could expand my horizons and inflict my personality on the world.
I mean the last half of that sentence very literally. I find myself very annoying. I hate that I have such a loud, abrasive personality and have tried to change it, but to this point have not been able to. I am who I am and it is really, really hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
I honestly do not know if I would be friends with someone like me. The constant need to snap off things that strike me as funny, the opinion on...well...everything, the self-assured (some would say arrogant...) way I know when I am right and will not back off it...those things can wear on a person.
So one fear of moving is my world will devolve to two people...the Goose and I.
On one level, that is fine as I enjoy her company.
On another level...it terrifies me.
Of course, much of this is worry about an event that has not and may not happen. But the worry is there. These are the things that keep me up at night.
Well, that and sunburned legs.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
2 months ago