Finding something positive in a negative world

I cannot speak for others, but I can speak for how I react. When betrayed on the most fundamental level, it is a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, tear and sorrow inducing experience that dominates my life for a great deal of time. And this is even more so, ironically, when that betrayal is not so much against me as against another...but that I am part of the situation. Regardless, the situation and thinking about it dominates my life.

So much so that I was fully 100 songs into my I-Pod play list before I realized I had not heard a single song on it to that point.

That is quite unusual as generally I am out there making quite the fool of myself singing along with my Ipod.

Quite the fool because A) my voice cracks when I try to even remotely approach any of the notes actual singers hit, B) I like to shift the timing slightly on the songs so I am a 16th note or so behind the song itself, and C) the juxtaposition of me singing something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSgZZ5JSG6s

(and it really doesn't get into the "heart" of the song until the 3:55 mark) to the song in my ear buds against the ear-bleeding causing tones of ACD-screeches Back in Black or Highway to hell or maybe Guns & Raucousness's paean to lust, Paradise City or even Motley Crap "singing" Girls, Girls Girls...whatever the background song happens to be at the moment, the juxtaposition is quite jarring and makes very little sense.

Anyway, when I get over a third of the way through my play list of songs similar to that and am so dominated by thoughts over my disappointment...a mild word for how I feel...at others, it speaks to how distressed and disturbed I am.

Couple that with another long week in the making. We generally leave the house about 3:00 in the afternoon. We start work at 4:30. Last night we got done at 4:45.

For those weak in math, that means I had a really, really long day. Got home a bit after 5:30 so I was gone over 14-1/2 hours. I am known for how much I love being at home. That is not a good thing.

On the bright side, I do have two things to look forward to that I am really trying to shift my focus to.

The first is the furthest away.

The first week of November I get to see...someone, don't exactly remember who.

Sure wish there was some way to remember who it is...oh well, I am sure it will come to me at some point.

Second, and sooner, something starts up real soon...Tuesday, October 6th, to be exact...it is time for something else that I really enjoy.

So there is some good stuff on the horizon. Saturday I should be getting together with Alan and with Riot Kitty at various points in the day, so that is always a positive. Sunday will either be with my brother and his wife or painting a model I am anxious to finish.

I know others are working behind the scenes on the situation and I need to have faith that God is true to His promises and part of that is finding ways to look forward to the positives in my life rather than dwelling on things outside my control.

In fact, maybe I should queue up the Gold City classic to start my day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEPVIVrXcro