Had someone told me that someone might, some day, have Andrea as a friend I would have thought it probably wouldn't bother me. Turns out I would have been wrong.
Let me back up a little bit and set the stage for you. For those who may not be regular readers, my first marriage was many things; pleasant was not one of them.
My wife at the time cheated on me repeatedly, thrice claimed to be pregnant by other men, then turned to me when she miscarried.
Then, when I had enough and was leaving her, she suddenly back-tracked and said she had never cheated on me and never been pregnant. We were married 8 years...6+ of them she claimed to have had affairs. You will understand, I am sure, if I did not believe her when she suddenly decided to change her story.
Along the way, she badly hurt a lot of people. Her supposed best friends in the church, Andrea really, really hurt. Sometimes deliberately.
One of them was the middle sister of three children. As it happened, that girl's older brother is one of my 2 or 3 closest friends. Her younger sister married my brother's best friend. I can tell you, the middle sister was very, very badly hurt by some of Andrea's actions.
Later, my brother put trust in Andrea's younger brother Joey, despite warnings of what he was like. Sure enough, Joey went Joey on him and left my brother in the lurch for a pretty fair chunk of change.
That is the type of people Andrea and her whole family is. Other than Andrea and her sister, the members of her family who came to town were always, always in trouble. We visited two of them in jail and would have visited a third there except he got out of town before the police caught him.
In short...not good people.
I am kind of curious as to why anyone would want to have someone like her as a friend. Particularly someone who saw their sister badly hurt by Andrea, who knows what she did to me...I just cannot even comprehend wanting to "friend" someone like that, even on a site like Facebook.
I am really conflicted by this. On the one hand, I fully understand and agree that everyone has the right to be friends with whoever they wish to be friends with.
At the same time, Andrea is not the type of person they should be friends with for a number of reasons...not least because the odds are really high that, should I find out about it, I would be really bothered by it.
I thought about it for a couple of days. Ultimately, I won't say anything to the person/people who friended her. That is their choice and I think it would be wrong for me to object too strenuously.
But it does remind me that people often don't think about the consequences of their actions. And it still feels a little bit like I have been kicked a little lower than the gut.
3 comments:
Honey, I feel like I was being selfish. It bothered me but I didn't think of how much it might bother you.
As I re-read this blog, I remembered that as Christians, we are taught to forgive. And maybe that's what others are doing. This just came to me. Believe me, I felt differently about 5 minutes ago. But maybe they have forgiven.
Your ex wife did nothing to me. I remember I didn't even look at her the few times I ran into her when you and I very first started dating. But I/We have lived in the aftermath so for that reason alone, I was shocked to see her pic while looking on facebook.
I, like you, was shocked to see her friends with one of our friends. But now I say forget her!! I'm sure she's not upset about her actions towards you. So let's not let it bother us anymore! Let's be happy together and not think about it.
I think more than anything, I was just upset that she pops up sometimes and it's upsetting to me. I wish she'd just go away! I guess I do kind of feel like your team Andrew or team Andrea. I know it's not black and white like that, but as a second (yet much, much, much, better) wife, it really sucks when the ex pops up! Grrrrr!!
P.S--Looks like I better work on being more Christian like.
Whoever did this was not Christian-like. To forgive is one thing...to go out and befriend someone who totally fucked over one of your buddies is not ok! There is such a thing as loyalty. Sorry, Darth.
Forgiveness is rarely an easy thing to do and although you were the one who was by far hurt the most from her, other people have also had to deal with her lies. This is a way of moving on and in this case it's more for the sake of the one who offered it, rather than the one who received it.
If we only had to offer forgiveness and mercy to people who really deserved it, then it wouldn't mean much when we do.
-Kev
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