Health problems? Here is your answer

Not only am I not a doctor, I don't even play one on television. How pathetic am I? But in an attempt to become more doctor like...perhaps I could be the 5th or 10th doctor...you know the ones, "9 out of 10 doctors recommend"...of course, getting 90% of anybody to agree on any one thing is amazing so I can only assume the 10th doctor, like me, did not graduate...

Anyhow, in my continuing attempts to bring enlightenment to the lives of those around me, I have done some research and have answers to your problems if you frequently suffer heartburn or are unattractive to the opposite sex.

You just need to fart more. All the better if it makes you sweat.

Oh, I know you think I am joking. That is just because you have not read the works of prominent (?) physician Frédéric Saldmann who says, and I quote, "give free rein to farting, burping and sweating to reduce the risk of cancer" and adds that Frenchmen should "dare to fart."



This is indeed a sad day. I have once more descended to the depths of fart jokes. No more in the heady realm of spork jokes, "Do you want a spanking" references or high-minded references to idiotic criminals. I guess, paraphrasing a certain famous (and dead) comedian, I should just say, "The news made me do it." Which, coincidentally, can also be my excuse if I break wind in the future...