It is a good thing the Guinness book isn't ridiculous...

There are a lot of records that I think have some value, even if only to aficionados of the particular venture involved. For example, Cal Ripken's games played streak, Dimaggio's 56 game hit streak, Hank Aaron's home run record, the fastest mile someone has run, the highest they have jumped, and so forth. Then there are the slightly less valuable records...

For example, if you watch any baseball broadcast you are liable to hear something along the lines of "He is hitting .273 on his third at-bat against a right-hander when playing in a day game after going 2 for 4 in a night game against lefties before June 12th."

Huh? Do I really care? Does anybody? I mean, seriously...then there are the records nobody knew (or, most likely, cared) existed...such as largest patch of skin removed in a single piece, most chilis consumed in a single sitting, or the furniture land speed record.

In case you missed it, i will type that last one again...the furniture land speed record. As opposed, one suspects, to the furniture air speed record, the furniture underwated speed record, and the furniture amphibious speed record. I must admit I did not know the furniture land speed existed because if I did I am pretty sure I would (not) have been putting forth every effort to attain that record. Alas, the old record failed when (idiotic) dare-devil Marek Turowski, a full time gardener and part-time couch driver, pushed his divan a full 5 mph faster than cowardly Edd China's 87mph, clocking in at 92 mph. And just in case there would be doubters they had a rep on hand from the Institute of Time Wasting....err, the Guinness Book of World irrelevancy...to make sure he did indeed make 92mph.

Now, you, like me, might be under the mistaken impression that furniture is for comfort in the home...beds for sleeping, televisions for watching, sinks for cleaning, stoves for cooking, and couches for making out. Now you will be thrilled to learn they are multi-purpose...not only can you drive them to furniture land-speed records...this one, at least, is road legal...

No word yet on how they plan to get it in and out of the living room.