What better way to say "I love you" than with the gift of a spatula

When Weird Al made his cult classic UHF there was a rash of commercials where you could purchase 9 of any given item and get the 10th for just 1 penny. Typically it was an item where you might use 9 of them in a lifetime...or 3 lifetimes. He delightfully skewered numerous advertising conventions of the time in an ad for Spatula City, where the tagline was "We sell Spatulas...and that's all!"

During the commercial they are panning the store, looking at the various reasons you might give a spatula; weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, graduation. Cut to a romantic, candle-lit diner. As the announcer intones, "And what better way to say, 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula?" the young man produces a ribbon-wrapped spatula to which his girl reacts with the same passion and gratitude you see in those cheesy diamond commercials.

Now, the commercial is funny (in the context of the movie) precisely because of the stupidity of it. You aren't REALLY going to say I love you by presenting a spatula (unless your paramour is in on the joke and loves UHF as much as anybody who is reasonable does) to anyone. So let's look at some OTHER ridiculous ways people say "I love you"

like shooting them 4 times and then committing suicide. That seems to work well. Of course, there is a drawback...if only I could figure out what that drawback is.