Can I get time off for good behavior?

The following conversation is pure conjecture:

*** ring ring***
Officer (O): "Police headquarters."

Caller (I for idiot): "Yeah, I am over here at St. Paul's Lutheran Church and I am having a problem. I am wondering if you can help me."

O: "What can I do for you?"

I: "Well, I am trying to break in but can't seem to get through the doors."

O: dead silence. finally, he says, "I am not sure I heard that right. Could you please repeat that?"

I: "Yeah, I am trying to break into Paul's but the church is closed and I can't get in. Please come help me."

O: "Wait right there, we are on our way."

Time passes, they show up, he is there with a shovel. and marijuana, in a shocking development.

O: "Sir, is this yours?"

I: "Yeah, and I got lots more at home. If you will come over with me I will show you."

Enjoy your cell, dude. Why are people so against marijuana? It isn't like it turns people into idiots or anything...