The Guys rules revisited

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­At last a guy has taken the time to write this all downFinally, the guys' side of the story.(I must admit, it's pretty good.)We always hear "the rules"From the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE
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As mentioned before, this e-mail floats around. This time it comes with commentary.


1. Men are NOT mind readers.
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First off, the average male of the species does not comprehend what emerges from the female as being something from a "mind". When she puts up a picture he does not understand...you can't hang anything on it, play a game with it, brag about shooting it (at least, not where she can hear it...if he accidentally discharged a firearm within the confines of the domicile said picture is hung in and his shot, when it went awry, struck said picture he will brag to his buddies about what he got away with...but certain locations reputed to be extremely warm will be deep in ice before he ever remembers to mention the incident to her) or find any other useful purpose. The idea of things used solely as decoration is a foreign concept...there is no possible way it could have been conceived in a "mind". That is just 1 example.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
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Furthermore, just be glad he has not yet installed a urinal. They are so convenient at the other venues he frequents...sports arenas, bars, outhouses...and count it bonus points if he remembers to flush. I have been in many mens rooms and unfortunately the ability to flush a toilet is rare among men. If your man does, don't complain about the seat...thank the stars above for your good fortune.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moonor the changing of the tides.Let it be.
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Some sports are only on Sunday?

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
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At Christmas time, however, it closely resembles combat. That we like.

1. Crying is blackmail.
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Unless there is a really, really, really good reason for it. Like, say, you go to the fridge and are out of Mountain Dew.

1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!
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Quoted for truth. This one is not funny. This one is true. hints <> saying what you want.


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
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If the answer requires qualifiers, contingencies, alternatives, or thought it will be preempted by other "thoughts". Sorry, that is just the way it is.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
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This seems a bit harsh. We don't really get the "girlfriend" thing, so using them as an out is kind of cheap. The diamond we purchase to make up for not sympathising, however, is NOT cheap.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
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or a divorce attorney.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
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effective immediately, please replace all occurrences in the preceding sentence of the word "day" and replace them with "seconds"

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
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Of course, if you look like Rosie O Donnell or Roseanne Barr and elect to dress like a Victoria's Secret girl, the soap opera guy we act like will be the nefarious murdering villain. Not all looks work for all people. Just sayin'

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
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If your identity is tied up in your weight, it won't matter if you are or not. You will think you are. (see flockhart, calista, ritchie, nicole, stick, models)
If my attraction to you is tied up in your weight, install a pole, do a little dance, make a little cash.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
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This one I don't understand at all. My words are supposed to mean something?

1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
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Better yet, hire it done. Don't show me the bill. We will both be happier that way.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
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Man law.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
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And aren't we all thankful he didn't. Had he asked for directions, he still would botched things up, only now we would be playing Cowboys and Turkeys.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
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Aren't pumpkins vegetables?


1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.
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Whether we should is being debated. For now, however...reality intrudes.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
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Actually...I suspect we think you mean there is nothing wrong. See #1 where it says hints don't work...


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
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Unless it is Victoria's Secret or reveals large amounts of cleavage or buttocks we don't much care, either.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf.
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And no, saying "the guy with the stick hit the ball a long way" is not "discussing" it....


1. You have enough clothes.
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if you are hot, we might argue you have too many clothes...

1. You have too many shoes.
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On the bright side, it is easier for you to count while wearing them than it is for me....

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
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Just be glad I am not a rhombus







As you can tell, the list is now much improved. Thanks for laughing.