Now, as a general rule, any post you read here has certain underlying assumptions. For instance, you can assume that I know there is a God, know the Bible is inspired in the theopneustos or literally God-breathed, unalterable truth, despite the misuse and abuse certain organizations have and continue to make of it. You can also assume my family and friends are very important to me above and beyond my own wants and desires. You can assume that whatever else I am doing, in the back of my mind are the responsibilities I bear, both emotionally (towards family, friends, etc.) and financial...and also scholastic.
Set that aside for this post.
Life is miserable sometimes. Life really sucks. Oh, not all of it. And that is what makes the bad parts worse. It often seems that good times are always followed by horrific times. Pain, suffering, and misery, both physical and emotional, are part and parcel of being human.
Take this weekend, for instance. I had a very good time. It was enjoyable virtually from beginning to end, Spanish smurfing homework aside. Stupid tests where you are supposed to say if the people like or dislike something, one answers "Me gusta la musica de Gloria Estefan" (thereby certifying herself as insane) and the other one says, "No me gusta"....uhm...acuerdo o desacuerdo? Whatever.
Anyway, at the end of the weekend comes the horrid part. Departure. And that is always part of life. You are always leaving people or being left by people. Sometimes it is just for a time and sometimes it is forever.
When I was growing up my closest friends were, in no particular order, Kyle, Billy, Alan, Woody, Bryce, Carl, and later my siblings. Billy moved back east, currently Louisiana...Carl moved to Klamath Falls...Bryce went into the air force and last I heard was in Texas...Kyle, Alan and Woody all got married, had kids, and therefore massive life changes. Even though I live within 30 miles of each of them, for most intents and purposes, we have gone our separate ways. Oh, sure, sometimes I still see them...Kyle and I, for instance, are going to the Winterhawks game Saturday night, Alan and I go to a movie about every other month...but it is so different. They have left in a very real way.
Grandpa, Mom, Grace Buckles, Aunt Donna, my former father in law, Vickie Miller, and a couple others all left via death back in 1995. Yeah, in some cases...particularly Mom and Grandpa, who were so miserably ill and bed-ridden, it was sort of a relief...but still miserable. I wish so much I could go out in the woodshop with Grandpa just one more time...I would love to have a bottle of coke, some stove-popped popcorn, have Dad fighting the stupid projector and Mom reading the intertitles from the old black and white silents just once more...but those things can never be. They are gone for as long as I am alive.
Face it, there is no Fountain of Youth or Picture of Dorian Gray that will let you live forever...and would you even want to? Even if you could, you would just lose more and more people you loved to death or life changes.
Life is sometimes miserable.
You can have a great time with people you love, but at some point it is time to go home and back to just you and the silence of your apartment. Oh, you can throw on some music. That sort of fills the void, but really...it is just sounds. It is not a presence.
Parting is such sweet sorrow someone once said. They lied. It is not sweet. It is bitter and harsh and hurts. It breeds pain and loneliness. It is sometimes so bad you almost wish you did not get together in the first place if you only have to part.
Ultimately, I am glad when I get together...but when it is time to leave, for the next few days...life sucks.
Space Wolves (Heresy)
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1 comment:
you got it bad, Senior Woodchuck! Don't worry. You'll see her soon. Lots of her, I hope ;)
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