Coming off a rather distressed, disturbed post, it has been an interesting week.
For starters, a good friend who seemed to be making a friend had that person...I am not sure if "turn on" is the correct phrase, but from many angles it certainly FEELS appropriate.
My friend is sensitive anyway and this has been a tough and undeserved blow. It is easy...and probably even accurate...to say be patient, let time heal it, but even believing that to be true does not make it easy.
So that was kind of a negative. And by kind of, I mean very much so.
On the other hand, yesterday had a very nice (and shamefully belated) birthday get together for my friend Riot Kitty and her husband Robert Tres.
Today had a lovely bike ride to and from work, an activity I always like because it is invigorating, fun, avoids traffic, I did not drive, etc.
And this evening I was doing my rare trolling of my Facebook page, catching up.
And low and behold...I saw something I thought I would never see.
A person to whom I have not been close for 3o years posted something they were doing to help someone else.
This is a person I have never, ever known to do anything FOR anyone. Well...not strictly true...ther was the interior painting thing, though even that sort of illustrated the point since the individual painted a color they were asked not to.
The effort was appreciated, but the idea that the request would be ignored kind of showed that even when trying to be helpful, this person was more about their way than anyone elses.
It has been painful watching the path of this person's life. While we have never been close, there were still the ties that matter...family and friends matter even when we disagree with the path they take.
This person has gone through friendships like a buzz-saw, had their health and mental state deteriorate seriously. If not for the fact I grew up with them, I would have said they were in their early to mid 60s based on appearance...but they are just past 40.
It has been a hard, hard life to watch, much less live, though honestly most of the damage was self-inflicted.
I had, in fact, given up on this person as past all possible redemption.
Then, at Grandma's funeral, there were some conversations held. Ironically, I ended up somewhat defending this individual against someone who had long been their staunchest defender, often unreasonably so.
With that said, it was a valuable conversation and for the first time in three decades, I saw hope...though there was and is still an open question if the physical deterioration is so bad that they will ever walk or even stand without pain.
Not something I would wish on anyone.
Well...this person, who I can tell you from first-hand knowledge is on the edge of being homeless and struggles to make the most minimal payments to keep the electricity on...
This person who for three decades has been the epitome of selfishness and self-destruction...
This person who one could make a case they have NEVER cared about anyone but them self...
This person who is about as close to rock bottom physically and financially and, to some extent, mentally, as it is possible to get without being comatose...
is volunteering to help volunteers/homeless/re-housed people.
I can honestly say for the first time in 30 years that I am proud of that individual.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
1 month ago