I would be somewhat less than honest if I said this was the most enjoyable time I have ever spent with my wife, these last threeish weeks. At the same time, it was the best time, in a weird sort of way.
At the risk of revealing far too much of my personal life, we were at odds more in these weeks than we have been in the rest of our time together combined.
There was one dominant issue that caused several tertiary rifts.
And it is unfortunate that part of the discrepancy goes right to the root of who we are as people.
We just see certain things in different ways.
It does not mean either of us is right. It does not mean either of us is wrong. It simply means we have very, very different ideas of the right way to handle certain issues, and we have different priority matrixes.
There were some very tense, hard to deal with moments. And certainly the very high expectations we had for this time were not met in many ways.
And I am extremely thankful for that.
Here is where you pause, think about it for a second, and then say, "Huh?"
See, the thing is...marriage is very, very seldom a union of two people who have identical world views on things. That means there will sometimes be disagreements.
Sadly, we live in a society where at the first disagreement or sign of serious problems, people are done with it, get a divorce and move on to the next person.
Marriages are more akin to disposable cameras than actual life-long commitments. Problems are reasons to dissolve the union and forsake the vows, not to work on the issues and find ways around it.
I think our resolution was a fine example. I am about 10,000% sure she did not get what she wanted out of it. I am a little more sure than that I did not see the situation resolved the way I wanted.
But the thing about it is...even though neither of us is perfectly happy with that choice, we are perfectly happy with each other. We found a way to work together even while not getting "my way". We found resolution in a hybrid compromise that sees both of us experiencing some disappointment but taking that in stride as something you do when you are committed to another person.
I say this not to brag on us but rather to address something that has been posited by a surprisingly large number of people.
Yes, I have been "rather negative" lately, there has been a harsh edge to some of my comments on the various forums and boards I sometimes frequent.
For that I somewhat apologize...though it is a half-hearted apology at best.
I would rather be upset that I am having issues coming to a peaceful agreement with my wife than be fine with it.
I am extremely happy, by contrast, that we did work things out, we did close the time on a very good note, and we remain committed to each other.
The vows said through good times and bad times, and knowing we can not only get through the bad times but come through them happy with each other and committed to one another is the greatest gift i could receive.
That is what makes me happy and is important enough that I will state it again.
The fact that we work through problems together without choosing to throw it away makes those rough patches mean more because we come out the far side with a stronger, better marriage.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
2 months ago