Udate to the update

In a mixed blessing, Grandma died this morning sometime before 10:30.

In many ways, this is a relief.

But still, sad to see her go. I learned so much from her about how to be a good family member. It is not always easy to be part of what people today malign as a "nuclear family", but there are great sides to it as well and I am thankful I was blessed with being pat of one.

It says a lot about Grandma and her parenting skills that a family as large and diverse as ours is able to come together multiple times a year in peace and harmony, showing care for one another.

It says a lot about her parenting skills that 2 generations came together to keep her at home for the last few years of her life instead of shuffled off to some rest home or nursing home to be cared for by people who do it for money rather than love (even if love for the residents sometimes develops, it is never the same).

It meant so much for Grandma to constantly have family stopping by. I did not visit as much as I would have because so often I would drive by and there were already 2 or 3 cars there visiting.

That, again, is bittersweet. '

I hope I never forget her joy the time we took the movie Where the Red Fern Grows for her to watch. As a movie, it definitely did not come up to the heart-wrenching, thought-provoking standard the book did...but the scene that showed the well from the homestead where she was born was worth seeing the movie, just to see it through her eyes.

I guess some small part of me, against all rationale hope or expectation, somehow expected her to rally one more time for a few weeks...or months...

But she didn't. And even though I was prepared and hoped, for her sake, it would be soon...I still wasn't ready.

I hope I can live my life in such a way that if I linger on long past all expectations, someone who is happy I died can still have the hint of a tear in their eye when I pass because they miss me.