Redneck Jedi

From the e-mail paperless bag...with my own helpful commentary!

You know you're a redneck jedi when..

You hear "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
mostly you have to hear it in your right ear. your let ear went deaf from proximity to too many blaster shots when out target shooting

You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
The phrase is saidn in conjunction with pointing at your crotch.

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You often lounge around the space station in your underwear...which are also camouflage

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
You probably think of Budweiser as proper accompaniment for fine dining.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
The other one has partially rusted off and has a spoiler welded on.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
And have at least a dozen recipes for them, most of which include phrases such as, "First strain out the buckshot" or "marinade in beer for 3 hours".

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
You found a way to grow grass through it even though you live in the middle of the deserts. The land speeder would be easier to see if there were fewer beer bottles in front of it.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Fortunately, you have a great time swatting them with your ball cap.
Sometimes at night you lay back to consider the mysteries of the force while watching the skeeters fry themselves on the bug-zapper.

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
And have less back hair than you.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
Or used the Force to empty your tobacco juice can so you won't miss the exciting conclusion of COPS. You heard this is the episode your aunt/sister/cousin and her dad are on.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
Or cleaned a fish with your lightsaber.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shockthingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
Often a task preceded by the words, "Hey ever'body, watch this!" and followed by large explosions.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You used to have it on the door but kept scratching the paint with your oversize belt buckle. The horn plays "Dixie"

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
It turns to a nightmare when the dentist fixes her teeth.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Fortunately, the glass is permanently removed.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutthad a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You just wonder how he kept his belly so clean while eating.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
However, his vocabulary is a bit more limited.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
But were happy to settle for installing a new rifle rack.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
You thought them alien fellers was kinda weird.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside...it'll be a hoot."
The reason he died was you wanted to show off. 'Hey Dad, watch this!'