It may not be a spatula, but you know it is love

For those who have never seen the underappreciated underground classic UHF, the headline may not make much sense. In the movie, Weird Al lampoons numerous commercial trends of the late 80s (buy 9, get the 10th for just 1 penny of some product you would never need more than one of, for instance...) with a riff on "Spatula City...we sell Spatulas...and that's all". At one point in the commercial, a young couple is out for a candlelight dinner and he produces a bow-wrapped spatula and mouths his undying emotion as the voice-over says, "And what better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula?"

A fair question. What is a better way to say I love you? Let's check out the wisdom of (now suspended) Catholic priest George Chaanine who came up with an innovative way to express his love:

The woman, then 54, said Chaanine hit her in the head with a wine bottle, stomped on her hand, groped her and choked her .

He loved her," Chaanine's court-appointed lawyer, Jeff Banks, said later.


Let's see, decisions, decisions...should I give her flowers, a spatula, or just beat the stuffings out of her? How can I best express my love?

Guess that question is tougher than I thought...