1000; a Milestone

This is a monumental post of phenomenal importance. It is a marker for me, an important one the likes of which I shall not reach again for many moons. The 2000th will be nice...but I will have already hit 4 figures so it is probably the 10,000th post that will be the next HUGE milestone for me. And what are the odds I will still be writing stuff here in that period of time?

As a result I have spent a great deal of time considering what to do with this post. There are so many things I have already covered which might be worthy of covering again...

I could write a tribute to people who have influenced my life in the past or are continuing to do so. It is a lengthy list and I could tell many heart-warming stories, inspirational stories, sad stories, funny stories...there are so many options! I could talk about Mom and Grandpa and Greg and Dave Miller, or about Alan, Amber, Michelle, Phillip, Kevin, etc...the possibilities seem endless and all are worthy.

Another fine possibility would be to discuss my plans for the upcoming wedding and my life with Emily. Certainly that is worthy of a milestone post. She is quite deserving of it and it would be an honor to write that.

I could reach into the past and pull forward some of my early writings...critiques of Churchill's "Chickens come home to roost" essay, a piece which rocked the academic world much as the planes striking the World Trade Center rocked the entire world. That in itself would be another fine option...I could write a brilliant, incisive essay on the events surrounding the War on Terror, the War in Iraq, the War in Afghanistan, nation building, the wars in Africa, the Korean threat or about wars of our past.

I could also find plenty to write about regarding social issues which I have written about previously...immigration, sexual orientation, social security, welfare, religion, racism, sexism, elitism, and more...

I might delve into the realm of science and politics and how the convergence results in bad science again and again and again...whether the topic is evolution, global warming, conception, or something else. Science has never had a positive outcome when the results are heavily influenced or determined by political needs instead of searching for truth.

Perhaps this would be a good time to write a serious, thoughtful essay regarding my beloved life project, the book on how Native Americans have been viewed in pop culture.

I could reveal the world's greatest spork joke. I could find a real use for the word smurf.

I could do a compilation of dumb criminal activities or how people show their love or some of the other riotously funny news stories I have found over the course of my time on this blog.

There are so many things I could say...and probably almost as many that I should say. This is a huge, momentous occasion. And there is something very important I have decided to share in this, my 1000th blog.

For most of my life money has not been important to me. I like it all right, probably as much as the next person...but it has never really been my goal to become rich. If I have money...great. If not, no big deal, there are many ways I have found to enjoy life. They can be as simple as a relaxing conversation with friends and/or family, reading a good book, playing pick-up basketball and many, many other activities.

However, I now find I wish to make money. A lot of money. And I have a sure-fire, fool proof plan to do so. I have in mind an invention so cool, so fun, so powerful that it will instantly make me a millionaire many times over. Soon I will be able to do all the things I would like to do when I have money...pay off Dad's house and car, get my brothers and sisters reliable vehicles and homes of their own, get a vacation home in Mexico, a big screen tv with TIVO so I can watch each and every playoff game in basketball and hockey and still catch all the baseball games I want.

Money is going to roll in. I will have a mint as soon as my invention hits the street. And now, for the first time ever I am about to reveal the secret that will make me rich. That is truly a worthwhile use of my 1000th blog.

To start, I must admit the premise; go-karts. Go-karts are just fun. They feel fast, they feel powerful...who doesn't love hopping in a go-kart and pushing it to its limit, feeling the power as you tear around the track, tires squealing, machine vibrating, pimply-faced teenage ride operator screaming "slow down!"?

The problem is, for some people the bowels are not designed to withstand the stresses induced by sliding wildly through corners and, how can I say this delicately...their bowels might release. This could be embarrasing for any who are not wanna-be astronaut kidnappers.

So I came up with a solution...a toilet that can travel at 70 MPH. There is just one small problem. Someone else already did it.