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Saturday my youngest brother will get married to the love of his life...I believe she is the first person he has ever seriously dated. She is an absolute sweetheart and I look forward to getting to know her better. However, I also intend to make sure she and Phillip have their time to themselves to grow into knowing each other.

I hope as they launch themselves on this journey that I hope and pray lasts them the remainder of their long, happy lives together that they keep in mind the principles that will make it a success and learn from some of the mistakes his elder siblings have made.

For example, avoid the self-centeredness that caused so many problems with Sue and Phil. Sue cared about Sue first, Suzanne second, herself third, and to spork with anyone else. She never put Phil's wants, needs, or desires above her own. And he was pretty good at reciprocating.

Avoid the immoralities and substances that can drag you down. Sue and Phil had even less chance as they descended ever deeper into a world of substance abuse, addiction, and repeated hapless attempts to have psychiatrists solve their problems.

Take a lesson from Andrea and I. Though we had good intentions, in retrospect the taking in of her younger siblings was the death knell of our marriage. It never gave us time to become a unit, to have time to ourselves. Though I have great love for both you and Tracy and know you are equally or perhaps even more close with Kenneth and Stanica and that Eric is a good friend as well...let me encourage you to make sure you spend plenty of time alone, just the two of you. Perhaps you will be doing something important...studying the Bible together or something...or maybe you will just be sitting quietly on the couch. Take the time to give yourselves time. You will not understand how much it means to her but I can assure you...it will mean a great deal. Time with Tracy needs to be plenteous. Do not let we your brothers and friends distact you from that. Sure, still spend time with us...but recognize a young, growing marriage requires time with the two alone.

Always put her wishes and needs ahead of your own. And Tracy, should you ever read this, the reverse is true as well...put his wishes and needs ahead of your own. This will weld the two of you into a team that will stand against whatever pressures come to bear...monetary, work-related, whatever. You will care so much about each other that nothing will be able to tear you apart.

Take a lesson from some of the very successful marriages we have seen. Grandpa and Grandma were married upwards of 60 years because they put God first, then each other, then their immediate family...ask Dad to tell you stories of how they interacted with their kids....and then everyone else. It is hard to go wrong doing things that way.


I hope the two of you have a long, happy marriage and you look back on these days as the ones that formed the foundation for everything yet to come.

Much love,

Your older brother
who wishes he had the wisdom then that he has now and is able to apply it to his own forthcoming marriage.