New Year's Resolutions

Is there a habit more ridiculous than a New Year's Resolution? What is that? An admission that for 364 days of the year you don't bother to look at your life and assess whether you need to make changes? Just think of how different some people's lives would be had they made certain resolutions last year:

Like the woman who might have said, "I resolve to make a sandwich anytime my boyfriend tells me to. This will not only help me live longer, it will help him keep his resolution of not waffling me with a microwave."

or the German dude who, while drunk, sold his step-daughters Beagle for beer money who might have said....well, really, there isn't much to say there.

Maybe this year Tanya Harding resolved, "WHEN"...(not if, but when...) "my boyfriend and I are having an argument in our trailer, this year I won't heave a hubcap at him.
P.S. I probably will still do that outside, though. Hitting husbands with hubcaps is good times."

Anyway, how is it that you don't realize, say....in July when you are going around with a water bucket extinguishing the sparklers the little kids are playing with, maybe it occurs to you that, "Wow. I really am a jerk. I better enjoy it for the next 5 months because come January 1st I am going to resolve to be nice."
Then on January 2nd you realize how much joy is missing from your life because you could not run over the wagon some little crotch rocket left behind your car....that little 24 hour experiment is over.
And it will be, too. If you only find yourself capable of starting some positive behavior on January 1st...or eliminating some negative behavior....it seems unlikely to stick. You will find some excuse to put it off for a day, a week, a year, and then you find yourself on the first day of January in your octogenarian years wondering why you were never able to stick with it.
Everything falls by the wayside....diets, nutritional choices, exercise committments, desire to be helpful, thoughts of getting involved in the community....news flash....those things work just as well if you start them July 34th oor September the 6th or......well, you get the picture.
If it takes that time for you to notice...you probably don't care enough to actually change it just because the last digit on the calendar is a fresh new larger number.

So my New Year's Resolutions are as follows: