A life well lived

Today, had cancer not killed her, Mom would have been 61. As it was she was taken from us quite early, at a mere 45 years of age. Her last days were not particularly pleasant as the poisons given her by medical science racked her body with paroxisms of pain that the cancers paled in comparison to. Mark my words, in a hundred years people will look back at the medical procedures such as chemotherapy and morphine and talk of them as we speak of the medical procedures of leeching and bleeding from a hundred years ago. It may be cutting edge...but I say this, it is wrong. Deliberately introducing poison into the body, even if the EXPRESS purpose is to kill cancer, can only logically lead to harm. You do realize it is poison, right?

It was amazing the difference between when they were giving her morphine and when they weren't, also. When She was on morphine her knees would reflexively jerk up with tremendous force in an involuntary reaction, her whole body rocking. It was hard, very hard. When she wasn't on morphine she would be lucid and peaceful. Anyone trying to convince me of the positive effects of morphine also has a tough row to hoe because I have seen the effects with my own eyes.

But today I don't really want to dwell on those portions. I actually have been having some pretty vivid memories of great times, of the things that made her the terrific parent she was. They appear in no particular chronological order, nor is there any other specific order.

I remember in her later years how much fun she had playing Nintendo as she "airplaned" the controller trying to steer Mario away from certain doom, laughing wildly as he plunged off the cliff well short of the goal...in fact, she seldom got past the first obstacle, but she took great pleasure in trying.

The Nintendo was much more involved than earlier entertainments. We used to have special nights every 3 or 4 months where Dad would haul out the old Sears Roebuck 8 MM Movie projector and we would watch b&w silents starring Laurel & Hardy, Charlie Chaplain, the Keystone Cops, and Our Gang...and Buster Keaton...Mom would read the interstitials, we would have hot air popped popcorn....mmmm...

Mom used to do lots of fun stuff with meals...she would make us specially shaped pancakes, specially shaped birthday cakes...I remember a Winnie the Pooh one...good times. She did a lot on a little. We had such a small food budget that she made what we could afford...and when you have a kid that is a picky eater, that ain't easy. She did so many things with spaghetti...playing with the sauce make-up, whether it was made with the noodles or serves separate, how it was combined with however much meat could go into it, trying various cheeses on top...she went above and beyond what a parent could be expected to do. And while I would never have verbalized it...I internally knew it showed how much she cared. That and making peanut brittle without peanuts, fudge, etc. She did amazing things with food on a tiny budget.

She was amazing with a lot of things like that. I wish I still had the Care Bear she made for me...along with the Three Bears, some Raggedy characters....she was so good at sewing. For years she sewed shirts for us kids. She could fix anything. We knew if there was a problem she could fix it. If we broke something...she knew how to fix it.

I remember the trips to Grandma Aldas. Mom would somehow manage to come up with money for a pizza which was a huge, almost unheard of treat. We could go swimming...she and Grandma would sit there for hours chatting while we splashed in the pool or played shuffleboard...

We could have been financially well off. Mom had the brains and talent, she made good money in the nursing industry, but she gave that up because she wanted to be a mother more than she wanted a career. We live in a time that is looked down upon but I am glad she did. The things she did for us were worth more than any amount of money. Nobody who is paid to care for kids could ever have the level of love and devotion that she gave for free.


I have a lot more memories that cover a lot of other areas, but that is probably enough for now. She may be gone physically but so long as I am on this earth Mom will never be truly gone because she lives on in so much of me, so many of the good qualities that I have that, without her, would not ever have developed. Miss you, Mom. Rest in peace.