Who's Who or I'm Cooler than you

ah yeah, the accolades just keep rolling in. For example, here is an e-mail I received today:



Dear Drew,
JUST ANNOUNCED . . .
DREW BARTON HAS BEEN SELECTED TO PARTICIPATE IN ONE OF THE MOST EXCLUSIVE ANTHOLOGIES,
THE INTERNATIONAL WHO'S WHO IN POETRY.
Over the past several months, we have been reviewing the thousands of poems submitted to us, as well as examining the poetic accomplishments of people whose poetry has appeared on the Internet and in various editions released by other poetry publishers in America and Europe. After an exhaustive examination of this poetic artistry, The International Library of Poetry is pleased to inform you that you have been nominated for inclusion in . . .
THE INTERNATIONAL WHO'S WHO IN POETRY
Congratulations on your accomplishment, Drew. This is an extraordinary honor. The International Who's Who in Poetry will be among the finest quality and most interesting books we have ever produced, and poets from several nations around the world will be featured. Each poem published will be exhibited on a page by itself. Every aspect and design of this anthology will display an uncompromising level of craftsmanship and attention to detail. This coffee-table quality book will be printed in two colors on fine milled paper, and it will feature a highly detailed, ornate cover and quality typography throughout. It will make a handsome addition to any library, a treasured family keepsake, or a highly valued personal gift.
As the name of this special edition implies, we are very interested in learning about you as a poet. In addition to featuring your poetic talent, we would also like to include your biographical information on the page adjacent to your poem. Thus, you could have two full pages dedicated especially to you and your artistic work. Drew, this is the perfect opportunity to give the public some insight about you and your artistry for this poetic showcase . . . perhaps the meaning behind your poetry or your own philosophical perspective. Many readers have told us that one of the most interesting and enjoyable parts of the anthology is learning about the artists and their stories behind their poetry. You may give the reader this added perspective by completing the enclosed Artist's Profile. Although we must charge a nominal fee for this service, you are under no obligation to include this information. Please see the enclosed Artist's Profile for further information.
WIN A TRIP TO WASHINGTON, D.C.
We are conducting a special contest only for participants in this project with over $5,000 in prizes to be awarded, including a trip for two to Washington, D.C. While in our nation's capital, the winner of this very special contest will then have the honor of representing The International Library of Poetry and will be interviewed by Professor Grace Cavalieri as the featured guest on her national radio show, The Poet and The Poem. Additional runner-up winners will be selected to appear live on the broadcast via a telephone interview. Just think . . . you could be recognized as a leading poet to perhaps millions of people around the nation.
NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER
Before going any further, Drew, let me make one thing clear . . . you were selected for inclusion in this project based on your unique talent and previous poetic accomplishments. We believe you are one of the most interesting poets we have encountered, so we are offering you the chance to be published in this special edition. In this regard. you are under no obligation whatsoever to submit any entry fee, any subsidy payment, or to make any purchase of any kind.
Of course, many people do wish to acquire the books that have pages dedicated to themselves and their poetic artistry. If this is the case, we welcome your order and guarantee your satisfaction. Please see the enclosed material for special discount information if you would like to order a copy of The International Who's Who in Poetry. Also, for an additional discount, you may wish to order supplementary copies for gift-giving to your friends and family, to display, or for merchandising (see enclosed for case pack discounts).
Drew, PLEASE SEND US YOUR POEM RIGHT AWAY!
In order for our editors to meet our scheduled publication date and pick the winning poets and poems, WE MUST RECEIVE YOUR POEM RIGHT AWAY. Be sure you include your name, mailing address, and your poem. Your poem may be 24 lines or less, on any subject, and in any style. If you wish to order a copy The International Who's Who in Poetry at a special pre-publication discount, please complete the Pre-Publication Discount Reservation form. You may also submit online at https://www.poetry.com/poetrybuy/WWPoetAndPoem.asp?VIP=P7081174&SC=D127. As soon as you submit your poem, you will be competing for over $5,000.00 in prizes that will be awarded to the winning poets who participated in this historic project. And let me assure you, your poem remains your property; The International Who's Who in Poetry is copyrighted as a compilation. This means you retain all rights to your own work of art.
Congratulations on your selection for your inclusion as a distinguished member of The International Who's Who in Poetry and a participant in this unique poetry project. We look forward to seeing more of your work.
Sincerely,Howard ElyManaging Editor
P.S. Drew, you should be genuinely proud of your accomplishment. You have been nominated to participate in The International Who's Who in Poetry because of your poetic accomplishments. We are pleased that an entire page of this historic edition will be dedicated exclusively to you and your poetry. If you decide to order The International Who's Who In Poetry, we are so confident that you will love the quality of the edition and the way your biographical information and poetry is presented, we can proudly offer an unconditional money-back guarantee. If for any reason you are not completely thrilled, simply return it to us within 90 days and your money will be promptly refunded.

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Oh, sure, I know what you are thinking...any talentless hack could scratch out 24 lines of crap and get published in this. Why, someone might even DELIBERATELY write the worst, most pathetic, repulsive crap possible and still get this offer. Well I have something to say to you.
Of course they could...but how many actually DID? Just me.
Yeah, the poems I wrote for them were deliberatley cheesy garbage that I almost threw up when writing and did not have the heart to read again. But hey...I can be published in the International Poet's Who's Who...can you?
And there is the basis for my next entry (fair warning: this is going to be one of the worst things you have ever read)

Who's who...I am, are you?
I write in rythym about crap
I win with a poem that blew
So bad it made my butt chap
But hey...I am nominated for Whos Who
so who cares? If you don't like it...
me neither. So no screw to you.