Oranges, bananas and bad fruits...oh my!

In my continuing effort to eat in a more healthy manner I try to consume bananas for breakfast and oranges for afternoon snacks, mixing in the occasional apple when I can bring myself to do it.
As an aside, I think the UEPGC (Undertakers, Embalmers and Pall Bearers Glee Club...a line shamelessly stolen from the 1940s radio program The Life of Riley) probably should recommend that most people eat more apples to make their job easier...after all, apples contain more formaldehyde than insulation, yet John Mansville is convincing everyone to buy their insulation because of the terrible threat the formaldehyde is. Well, you have more chance of embalming yourself by eating apples than having formaldehyde related problems but...whatever. Another triumph of marketing over people getting off their a double money signs and using their heads for something other than hat relocation service.
At the same time, I would love to see a death certificate with cause of death being "Self-embalmed; ate too many apples." I mean, think about it...when is the last time you heard about someone dying because they ate too many fruits and vegetables?
Then again, how unhealthy can it be to eat something with a longer life expectancy than your granchildren? The average Twinkie has so many preservatives they have an estimated expiration date somewhere in the vicinity of 4520. If I eat enough of them I will never die. Maybe I can be next to Disney and the head of Ted Williams in the freezer...except I will actually be alive. Just full of Twinkies and Ding Dongs and Ho Hos...but not Jolly Ranchers, oh, no. If I am going to live that long, ain't no way I will be happy by the time those bad boys wear off. Cranky and Miserable Ranchers, if they ever come out, that is what I will be all about. Oh, yeah. Grumpy old man, that will be me. Only as an extension of my current persona as extremely crochety, grumpy and cranky middle age dude that looks old.

Oddly, none of the above has much if any relation to what I set out to write. So instead of smoothly transitioning back into the flow of my train of thought I am going to give you one of those jump cuts Raimi thinks will scare you in his horror film Grudge II. It is a horror film, all right...I am horrified to think stupidity like that actually scares people. It is laughably bad. The laugh comes from knowing how much money people see to see that crap and then are frightened by it. (I got in free...and sadly, I think I wrecked the mood for several people because at key "suspenseful" moments I was laughing out loud at the stupidity of it. It is hard to scream in fear when some idiot is laughing loudly.)

And again the train of thought derailed. On the bright side, it was intended to be a rant. And these have all been rants. Just not about the original subject...fruit.
See, in my continued attempts to eat healthier, I try to breakfast and snack on fruits. That raises a problem when, like now, the fruits are heinously bad. For example, I did a quick stop & shop for a week's supply of breakfast and afternoon snacks. The bananas...well, I am not saying they were not ripe...but they bore more resemblance to the Grinch's natural color than to the submarine the Beatles lived in. The oranges...well, they are humor in and of themselves.
Here in the U.S. there are two places oranges come from...Florida and California. Don't even think about getting them from somewhere else. Apparently my grocer of choice does think about it...because the few oranges they had were from...wait for it...Australia. On the bright side, they taste better than any others my grocer has had for months. On the dark side, they are still bitter. Stupid as this sounds, the biggest obstacle to my orange habit is figuring out when orange season is. I like my oranges sweet and juicy, not bitter and...well, just not bitter would be enough.
So the upshot is I purchased 3 oranges, no bananas and no apples. Guess I am not so fruitilcious.

how is that for a pointless post? go me!