Final Notice!

To: All Corporate Employees
From: Human Resources Dept.
Re: Employee Vacation Time
Reply To: 1-800-975-8345 FINAL NOTICE

PLEASE BE ADVISED:

For a limited time only, we are offering to all employees
access to our company vacation packages at the wholesale
rate (you save nearly $3000 per couple). These under-
booked vacations are good for one year and will be made
available on a first come first serve basis.

Please review the vacation details if you are interested.
Destination: Cancun Mexico
Duration: 6 days $321 pp
Dates: Open dated valid for 1 year

Included in package:
-corporate Meal Plan - All Meals and Drinks included 24 hrs a day
- Free Oceanfront Resort Upgrade
- Children stay and eat for free
- unlimited non motor watersports

Last year this package was booked up in a few hours.
Please contact us to reserve.

To no longer receive these requested promotions in the future, please call 1-888-416-6772



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The above is a fax we get on occasion at my job, recreated as faithfully as possible. I may have missed the occasional capitalization or spacing issue, but...the words are accurate.
Now, you may be asking yourself why I would share such an awesome deal with you, my loyal readers, random people stopping by, and other complete strangers. I could lie and say "Because of the goodness of my heart, now go vote for me you stupid freak" or words to that affect. Or I could say I think more people deserve a break like this. Or I could just say I saw an opportunity to get a few cheap laughs by mocking these idiots.
You see, nobody knows WHOSE HR department these come from. We do know it ain't ours...we have checked. Second...by Final Notice we assume they mean "this hour" as this fax or one very, very similar to it comes over about 4 times a day and has done so for over 5 years. Quite the final notice.
Apparently the "limited time" means you only have from the time it comes off the fax machine until it hits the wastebasket to call in and take advantage of this amazing facsimile offer. Second, if it is an "underbooked vacation" then how did they get "booked up in a few hours" last year? Hardly sounds underbooked...but maybe I will change my mind in an hour when they resend this.
But perhaps my favorite is this: the corporate meal plan includes all meals and drinks. Not only that, but get this...Children eat free!!! Not only are the meals free, but the kids eat free...so apparently, everyone else gets the food for free...it just costs them money to eat it. Maybe there is a silverware tax or something....