I'm afraid of my car

There is something quite funk-tified about my bodily electricity. When I wear my watch, my fairly good quality Citizen brand watch, it loses time. Sometimes. Other times it gains time. But when someone else wears it or it sits on a shelf it keeps perfect time. It is only when I wear it that is gains and loses time at random intervals. It once lost 4 hours in 5. Another time it gained a day...while I slept. I can only assume it has to do with my personal electric field.
Nor is that the sole example of such difficulties. I often get those fun little shocks we all remember from childhood when we would drag our feet across carpet before touching someone or rubbing balloons for a while...remember those shocks? Every so often I will walk within a foot or two of someone and get one of those.
But the ones that really bother me are those shocks from my car. They are really bad. They actually hurt a little. And I have no idea where they come from and why they only affect me. Nobody else admits to being shocked by my car. But almost every time I get in or out if I tough the surface of the door...BOOM! I get that little electric shock. I have gotten to where I close the door by the little lock peg. Because I am getting to the point where i am actually afraid to straight out touch the door.
Funny part is, I am in more significant pain from so many other activities than the little shocks. My ankles hurt from those massive 1/2" vertical leaps when playing basketball, my wrists are sore from overswinging the bat, my forefinger has been broken for weeks and everytime I use it to type I get little jolts with every key stroke. But none of those scare me. The car, though...a little jolt that startles me more than actually hurting, that terrifies me. Don't touch the car, Stewie...it is lying in wait for you. (a "clever" reference to either Family Guy or Calvin & Hobbes where the bike keeps attascking Calvin, but the reference disguised as being Family Guy)