A close shave

When I walk/run/drive past people I constantly overhear comments like "Check out the hairy ape/sasquatch/guy who apparently doesn't own a razor" depending on how good a view they got. Mostly that is because...and you probably won't see this one coming...I am a hairy, hairy beast. I can shave at 6:30 in the morning and by the time I get to work at 7:10 I have a 5 o clock shadow.
20 years ago I would have been super manly. Massive chest hair, arm hair, leg hair, (back hair), I have hair growing on my hair. And it is hard to get rid of. A month or so ago I got an EKG, so they shaved spots for the sensors...two on the chest, one on each leg...I am not saying my hair grows fast, but she finally had to have the razor in one hand, the sensor in the other, and as she shaved with the one hand she was applying the sensor with the other so it would get a good contact. By the time I was walking out of the office you could not even tell I had been shaved...1" - 2" thick hair all over the place.
Nowadays with the rush to have guys with clean-shaven, waxed chests that is not so appealing. Girls like a guy with a chest that looks like that wax fruit...just a little bit shiny and no hair in sight. A state I will never, ever attain. You know how they used to check people's state of being, alive or dead, by dropping a mirror in front of their mouth to see if they are breathing? With me they will shave a patch of hair to see if it is growing.
Except, of course, for my dome. Early signs of male patter baldness, also known as "I am so sensitive about the lack of hair up top I might get a lack of movement down below" syndrome...a heinous, heinous state of affairs......well, early signs of IASSATLOHUTIMGALOMDB are in evidence. This has led me to consider going cue-ball.
Which brings up an extra point. It is not uncommon to see guys these days with the Mr. Clean look. Kind of like, I am going to beat IASSATLOHUTIMGALOMDB by pretending I did it on purpose because I like the no-hair look.
How do you pull that off when your head gets a 5 o clock shadow? Do you carry a razor around with you? Maybe this is guy's answer to the woman doing her make-up in the vanity mirror as she drives to work. He can be shaving his head in his car at the lunch break and during the rush hour. Of course, the potential damage from a sudden start is probably a little higher from, you know, a sharp blade, than from an eyeliner, but that is a risk we just might have to take.