I hate umbrellas

Not because of the little "cutesy" pictures people have them...on the outside...on the top...that is, if you think about it, ABOVE THEIR HEAD where nobody can see the picture, but they paid lots of extra money for it...dumb as that is, it isn't why I hate umbrellas.
Not because of all the stupid jokes about them like the wind turn them inside out or the "classic" and "hilarious" skits about wind ripping it out of thier hand and having some chump chase the umbrella down the street....as "funny" as that is, it isn't why I hate umbrellas.
Not because some nimrods use them to keep away the sun. Oh, sure, I think it is pretty lame and reeks of elitism by hearkening back to those not so halcyon days of yore when lords and ladies had parasols...and don't even get me started on the idea of dropping a little lace on fabric atop a stick and changing the name in an attempt to fool me into thinking an umbrella isn't an umbrella. Lame as that is, it isn't why I hate umbrellas.
Not because I walk into someplace behind someone who is using an umbrella to keep themselves from getting wet, and upon entering a building, they feel compelled to shake their folded up umbrella, their device designed to repel and, failing repel, withstand the water without damage, these people, without exception, feel the need to shake the water off their umbrellas, soaking anybody nearby in the process. It is like a dog, only stupider. Get a grip, people...the water isn't going to hurt your umbrella, but I might hurt you if you keep it up. Annoying as it is, that isn't why I hate umbrellas.
Not because of goofballs who carry umbrellas on 90 degree days because they hear it might rain. Cowardly as those people are, that isn't why I hate umbrellas.
All of those are good, solid, accurate, worthy reasons to hate umbrellas. I could go on, but I think you get my point, and none of those are the real reason I hate umbrellas. Oh, no, it is much darker, much more insidious than that. The reason I hate umbrellas is space.
They are so smurfing huge...one person easily takes up the space of three or for people. It is annoying. You just try to walk on an average size sidewalk and the next thing you know, you are excusing yourself because someone across the street has an unmbrella. Gary Coleman with an umbrella takes up more space than Dom Deluise walking side by side with Roseanne without one. SUVs fit through smaller openings than people with umbrellas. Oh, the irony. How many times have you seen someone standing outside with an umbrella over their head because they did not want to get sick...so they pop up their umbrella, closing off the sidewalk so they can step outside to smoke. Umbrellas suck. Next one I see is getting stuck with a spork.