If I were a slacker I would understand. If I took it casually, not seriously, did not put in the time and effort, I would understand. If my attention was elsewhere, my concentration lacking, I would understand. If I never put forth extra effort but simply did the least amount possible, I would understand.
BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
So frustrated right now that I know it is stupid to type this out. I just want to go out and do something self-destructive. I want to take out my frustration and irritation in a random, pointless act of maniacal destruction. I want to let the anger and bitterness just explode in a frenzy of vandalism and injury and pillaging. I just want to scream in a way to deafen the neighbors.
Of course, being me, I won't.
I have worked so hard on that stupid Spanish. Before the term even started I had all but memorized every vocabulary word, every "useful expression" and I read and reread the entire chapter. Each night before class starts I reread the chapter again and think about it and try to do random exercises.
And still it does not penetrate. I don't get the "lo" and "la" and "le" and "les", what is a direct object, what is indirect, how to form sentences, any of it. Is there anything on earth I hate more than feeling completely helpless and stupid? Terry Schiavo was more capable than I am in Spanish class. Compared to my non-existent Spanish comprehension brain wave activity she was a smurfing Olympic gold Medalists in the triathlon.
I work so hard on it. I thought I had it down. Then I figure out I don't even know what the smurfing exercise was! How irritating is that? I cannot put into words the rage and anger I am feeling right now. And the frustration.
After all the work I put in down in Mexico, after all the help they gave me I find I still cannot even master concepts 3 year olds have no issues with. Not only can I not get the answers, I don't even know what the question is.
Hopefully tomorrow I will be less frustrated and will return to writing stuff that is actually useful, insightful, funny, and/or entertaining. Tonight I think I will break down and play a violent videogame. And seethe about Spanish and how much, at this particular moment, I hate it.
2 comments:
Ten paciencia, Senor Woodchuck. Puedo ayudarte.
Well, if you really feel like breaking something, we're about due for some recreational rioting. I here their is a big one about to happen in New York. Something about a tobacco company whose product actually forces it's way into your mouth. It also contains large quantities of animal meats and makes the user feel like clubbing baby seals. I don't really see what the problem is, but I have been wanting a bigger tv. So I thought we could go and join the riot, do some pillaging, maybe catch Kony(sp?) Island while we're in town. What do you think? You in?
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