Strength in weakness

Throughout my life my Father has always been a guiding light and influence. I have learned so much from him...all my good qualities stem in some way or other from lessons learned from him, whether from lessons he taught from the pulpit or how he dealt with me, from discipline to family outings, to just plain watching how he dealt with other people.
I have watched people attack him repeatedly over the years. At one point his own brother turned on him over something senseless, one sister still has it in for him although I have never figured out why, my older sister turned on...well, everybody. But those are isolated. For the most part, everyone who knows him loves him for who he is.
He has always been one of the most caring, loyal, generous people I have known. Obviously I can speak only from what I know, and other experiences may vary. But I have watched him for years.
When someone needs help he just helps. It does not matter if he is physically or financially able, he just knows someone needs help and that is what he is here for. Of course, that has been adversely affected by se casaron un esposa no tanto simpatico de mi padre, but he does the best he can.
As much evil as Sue has done him he still holds out hope for her and tries to help her. He sees good in her where everyone else who knows her sees lies, deception, harm, spite, and hatred. But he keeps trying to see her change her life around long after a lesser man would have given up.
Both of my other sisters, one brother and myself have all said and done things that were less than worthy, yet he has never held that against us. He always is there with open arms for us, even sometimes when we have a hard time relating to him because our actions have driven a wedge between us.
As cheesy as it sounds, when people ask me who my hero is, or who has had the biggest influence on my life, or what one person I would want with me on a deserted island or any of those hypothetical situations...the real, honest answer is Dad.
When I was in the midst of some of the issues Andrea and I had it was my family that kept me going. My sister Debbie, I cannot thank her enough for her e-mail support. My brothers Kenneth and Phillip were amazing, spending a lot of time with me and helping me not be alone. I could not have done it without any of them, but most of all...if not for some of the things Dad said, the way he made sure I was never alone in the darkest hours, his wisdom and foresight...those kept me from going insane with grief and anger and bitterness.
And through it all, he has never had a word of recrimination or disappointment. Instead, even when those were due, he has told me how glad he is that I am his son. I wish I were worthy and am sorry for how short of who I should be with a father like him I am.
And now he needs help. For once, I can help him in some small way. No, not enough to truly and properly thank him for who he is and what he has done for me, but certainly enough to express in some small way my appreciation.
And even there, he has a lesson to teach.
There are times it is okay to ask for help.
This is a lesson I have fought bitterly. Jr. Woodchuckette, Debbie, and Jessica have all offered to help me with Spanish. It is something probably easiest for Jr. Woodchuckette due to proximity and a proven ability to work around my quirks and help me understand things. But no, I am always to proud to accept the proferred help because I am me...I am smart...I can handle any scholastic assignment. I can overcome any obstacle standing alone, like a rock. If nobody sees me being stupid and foolish, if nobody sees me struggle to comprehend basics and fundamentals then the aura of intelligence I carry with me cannot be shattered.
Until Dad, that person for me whom best represents sufficiency in every circumstance, admits he needs help. And I realize it in no way lessens him in my eyes but rather enhances him in that when he needs a hand for a change, he is willing to ask for it.
Again, Dad, thank you for everything you have done for me, for the lessons taught, for teaching me how to care about people, for teaching me what it really means to love my neighbor more than myself, and for at least one more lesson I desperately need to learn.
I love you and hope I can develop into the man you are and can be what I ought to be.