Lighten up, Sr. Woodchuck

I have certain phrases I just love to use. I rotate them around a little, but some of them are such long-standing habits they might never go away.
One easy one is smurf. I love the smurfs. Actually, the show itself, if I remember correctly, was pretty much crap. I assume I rooted for Gargamel and Azrael....although the Azrael thing would have been tough because he was a cat. But at least he was an evil cat, so I guess that is cool.
No, the reason I love the smurfs is because I can say anything I want and nobody can say a smurfing thing. Smurf talk is smurfy. (see what I mean? smurfy...cool, stupid, profane, it could be any of those and more). SO I can turn the air blue with my words and all I have to say is Smurf. Because, of course, Smurfs were blue.
So smurf makes its way into my conversations with regularity. Often I mix it with other favorite phrases.
Like this multi-purpose phrase; "Me & the Sheriff takes a dim view of show-offs with..." whatever it is people were doing...which, by the way, is very seldom indeed showing off. The phrase of course is ripped from Jack Elam in Support Your Local Sheriff, a James Garner/Joan Hackett, Walter Brennan, Harry Morgan and Jack Elam ensemble piece. The real irony is when he makes the statement Elam is looking quite goofy and is showing off with his guns. For some inexplicable reason I think this is one of the greatest moments in movie history and have a compelling urge to reference this as often as possible, no matter how irrelevant to the conversation or situation at hand.
Now combine the two; "Me and the smurfs takes a dim view of show-offs with professional courtesy". (That was one I used at work after someone had just hung up on a customer. I, of course, laughed hysterically. Unbelievably, not everyone found it quite as funny as I did. They have, however, started using my "Me & the Sheriff takes a dim view of show-offs with sneezes" whenever anyone has the gall to explode their nostrils.)
And, of course, the most frequent of all, my habit of calling people Junior Woodchuck. This is combined with frequent uses of the formula, "Well, the junior woodchuck guidebook says..." followed by whatever useless advice I am about to dispense.
Lest any of you still think I have a functioning braincell (and after my "You are Lucky to Know me" series, I doubt that...), let me give some examples of how I use this marvelous phrase.
A customer calls up and tries to order a door in a size that is not possible to make. At some point in the conversation I have been know to receive the question, "What do I do?" and reply, "Well, the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook says you should call your customer and tell them to frame their opening correctly." Naturally, I am careful who I use this with...only customers I know quite well. But still...a wise individual probably would not take that tack. Unless, of course, the smurfing Junior Woodchuck Guidebook told them to, but me and the Sheriff takes a dim view of showoffs with Junior Woodchuck Guidebooks.