Family times

My relationship with my older sister has not been good for many, many years. At times it has bled into open and outright hatred. When you think about the fact that of all the people I have dated over the years, most of them cheated on me, and I don't hate any of them...well, the ex-wife probably excepted...that says something.
It is compounded by how I feel about family. I will go farther and more often than family than I will for even my closest friend. I would do anything to see them all happy and healthy. Sadly, one thing anybody I potentially date has to understand that I am a poor choice because family will come first until they are deep, deep inside my circle of trust. That circle is pretty small and hard to get inside...but easy to get out of.
From time to time a family member or two has wormed their way out of that circle...and it took a lot of time for those rifts to heal. Even now there is a level of trust that is missing.
And that is what is tearing me up about the current situation. I have deliberately set my life up so that if one of my siblings or my Dad needs me that I will be able to help them out. That is the point of my existence right now. My happiness comes from being a good brother or son, not from anything else.
It hurts to see what is happening. I hate being between family members when I don't know the answers. I love them both so much...and I am trying to get over my hatred of Sue because regardless of what she has said or done, the hatred is on me and I need to get rid of it.
I have talked to two of them several times each today and it saddens me. There is so much interference from prior events that they are struggling to see that they are not hearing what the other is saying but rather they are hearing what they expect or want to hear...or don't want to hear and fear it so much that in a weird way it becomes what they want to hear.
I hurt so badly for both of them. The misunderstandings are leading to so much unnecessary grief...but I don't see any other way for this to resolve. One person sees trips as being to see the other, but that while they are unavailable other things being accomplished does not detract from the purpose of their visit...the other one sees it as the purpose of their visit being to see other people and themselves as secondary.
That is just one example. It is a pain I feel only too well. Andrea nd I used to have that same discussion...if I went somewhere while she was at work, then I didn't want to see her...but if I did not go, then all I ever wanted to do was watch tv and play video games.
I saw it as I went to visit my family and sometimes was not home before her...but that I still wanted to see her. After all, she WAS a nymphomaniac with some rather deviant desires. What guy wouldn't be on board with that? Yet huge issues arose over whether I wanted to see her or not or whether all I wanted to do was play video games.
To this day I do not know what I could have done differently. No matter what I did, she found fault with it and rifts were created. Now I see the same thing happening between two people I love very much and it breaks my heart.
I am thankful that they both call me. I am thankful they cry to me and trust me enough to do that. I grieve because I don't have answers. And ultimately, that is where I fail. The whole point of my life...and when the test comes I flunk it.
Maybe I am just fatigued and tomorrow an answer will come to me. I hope so. Because something more important than a mere life hangs in the balance...the soul of the family is dangling by a thread. Somehow I need to figure out how to take that thread and reweave the fabric of a family that has been torn apart by misunderstandings, misinterpretations, faulty memories and bad advice.
If either of you two read this, know that I love you, you love each other, and somehow, this will work out if we actually do what we know is right.