It was always the plan. He had to die. But it was still hard.
From the very first time I began concocting this scheme it has been intrinsic to the project that someone had to die. And not just someone, but a very particular, specific someone.
But when the moment came and I had to kill him it was still hard.
As the moment grew closer it got more difficult. My breathing grew short, my palms sweaty. Surely, I thought, there is another way. He can be convinced to do it right. He can change. I can get my way without this.
But in the end, too many stubborn moves were made. Too many times my will was thwarted.
So I did what had to be done. I killed him.
Oh, sure, to the casual observer it was just keystrokes on the keyboard. Virtual ink on the computer screen. But he has been a friend, a traveling companion, a constant companion for years now.
From the very first conception of the trilogy until yesterday when I killed him off, his role has always been to die.
But when I had to write it..well..it was tough.
So yeah, this is kind of my way of saying..the rough draft of the Trilogy is finished. 122,223 words. Approximately 489 pages worth of novel according to my best estimate.
the sad thing? Because it was so hard to kill him off...after all, I have come to love this character a great deal...I hated doing it. And I think it made the end of the novel weaker because I wanted to find more ways to make it more meaningful.
So anyway, starting back through it to clean up some details...characters that switched genders, naming towns and certain characters...
By the end of March the plan is to have it ready to pass out for harsh critiques.
But for now...I am mourning the passing of a much loved character.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
2 months ago