There are many things I enjoy in life.
Reading a good book. Playing basketball, softball, Warhammer, poker, Raw Deal. Hanging out with friends. Hanging out with family. Going to theme parks. Writing. Reading a bad book. Watching movies. Pulling the wings off of....paper airplanes.
There are other things I do because I should.
Like going to work. being pleasant to people I dislike. Explaining for the 2,476,858th time why I do not care for the taste of vegetables, will not try foods that have smells or textures that repulse me. Sitting in traffic.
Then there are the things I enjoy because the commercial tells me to.
Like using the restroom.
Oh, sure, the toilet can be used to multi task. You can read a book. Listen to music (sometimes while, ah, making music. There you go...fart humor. You are welcome for nothing.) Pay bills. Read email on the phone. Text.
But regardless of how I enjoy my time multi-tasking, what really, truly makes a bathroom session entertaining has long been obvious even if nobody would openly admit it.
But finally someone has. They came out with an ad campaign.
There are many reasons to enjoy a good poop. Checking out whether you made snakes or marbles.* Seeing if you can burn off all your nose hairs at one time. Seeing if you can pass off those malodorous odors as belonging to someone else even though you are the only one present. Weighing yourself before and after to see if you lost weight.**
There is just a real sense of accomplishment if you can read three chapters during a four-flusher and lose two pounds in the bargain.
But no matter how much pleasure you have had in this natural bodily function...much like pit sweat or male pattern baldness are natural bodily functions which bring great pleasure to many people...there is one task which exceeds all others for sheer enjoyment.
That would be what allows us to do what the toilet paper commercial says and "Enjoy the go".
Because apparently for that company, the most enjoyable part of a restroom trip is wiping.
Now, one suspects their real motivation is to convince you to use their brand and thus make money. But how can we resist their delightful slogan, "enjoy the go".
No word yet on what they find to be the most enjoyable go..solids, diarrhea, squirts, or a mixture...but we do know they find wiping enjoyable.
Maybe for them it is combining two wonderful things...a good 'go" and a bit of butt sex. Really reach in there when wiping to make sure you (double entendre approaching) "get it all".
So thanks to that company putting forth the great mom checking out her son's rear with a fine tooth comb inspection perverted commercials, I now realize just how much I enjoy the go.
Now if you will excuse me, i am off to enjoy myself.
* Inside joke for one semi-loyal reader. Sorry to all those left out. Well, no, not sorry...after all, if you waste part of your life reading an entire post about poop...you kind of deserve what you get. Just as I deserve whatever i get for writing it.
** Yes...I do know someone who once did that. No, I will not tell you who it was.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
1 month ago