I have a friend...at least, I would consider her a friend, though we have never (and probably never will) hang out socially....who is in trouble.
I am pretty sure I know exactly what is happening...her boyfriend is cheating on her.
No, I do not have proof of it. All I have are the hints I have picked up from conversations I have over heard.
He is picking fights over nonsensical, irrational things, blaming her for not reading his mind, upset because she does not have the right hair color (? ! ?) and so forth.
There is more, but suffice it to say...I knew several weeks ago 'something" was going on when the reaction to a relatively minor situation was treated as a major catastrophe with major drama and histrionics.
It makes me sad because she is a complete sweetheart who, if he merely treated her right, would be an excellent companion for him throughout the rest of his life.
Having been through a similar situation, I recognize a lot of the signs.
I mean, it is POSSIBLE there is something else going on...maybe he isn't cheating (though I honestly believe he is), but he is doing something, and he is trying to push her away and make it look like she is the one that quit/left.
From how she has responded to some of the things, I know she has not let it work for the wrong reason...she is afraid of what people will think and where she will go.
I see the train wreck coming and cannot do a thing about it.
For starters, it is not my place and she has not asked for help.
Second, helping in such situations is just the sort of thing that could lead to mis-trust between myself and my wife no matter how little (none) truth there would be to any suspicions, but rather because the separation we are enduring and the proximity to another person are a situation that would...and should...create doubts.
And I will never put myself or her in that situation.
Third, all too often people in such situations do not want the benefits of experience other people may have.
Fourth...well, there are more reasons but those are more than enough.
Suffice it to say...it is sad watching someone get mis-treated and put in a situation where they do not know what to do because someone else is behaving badly.
I wish he would either man up and start treating her right or man up and walk away, explaining to her he is not worthy of her.
Meanwhile, it is yet another opportunity to pledge I NEVER want to be 'that guy" who gives anything less than 100% to his spouse, who mistreats her either actively or passively by ignoring her wants and needs, including but not limited to emotionally.
And if I ever slip in any way, I hope I have better friends than the one I can be to this person, friends who step in, let me know that is not acceptable, and put things back where they need to be...complete and total devotion that brooks no interference from anyone.
What I wanted to say - Dear Tootie, You are no longer suffering, and for that I am grateful. I've gone through so many feelings since you left this world Saturday. Grief, relief...
2 months ago