My Wife hates Me

I have long suspected it, but now I know the truth and it is with no uncertainty left over. My wife hates me.

Want proof? She left a bag of Hersheys Special Dark Chocolate Kisses on the computer desk.

What a heinous, despicable act of hatred and cruelty.

Leaving dozens of delicious little bundles of chocolate goodness right there to tempt me, to call to me, to scream my name with sensuous screams of lust-inducing pleasure moans...oh, the humanity of it all.

I should back up.

See, growing up I was extremely athletic. By the time I was 6 feet tall I could dunk on a ten foot regulation basket, and by the time I was 18 I could do a 180. Not power, but still...I could get it down.

Of course, I never looked it. I weighed about 180 at that time, and very little of it was muscle. I never really worked out, never hit the weights at the gym...so there was always a bit of a belly showing.

Girls should have loved me. If they like a six-pack, check me out...I had like a ten-pack going on.

Cheap jokes aside, I was quite athletic. Once I was at a free golf clinic where they analyzed your swing. Guy saw me wander in, by that time packing probably 220 or more on my not-quite-svelte frame. I know what he thought.

"This tub of lard probably cannot even get the club overhead." But of course he did not say that.

So I took a few swings, and he said, with huge quantities of surprise, "Your swing is, uh...surprisingly athletic. It is really, really athletic."

He was stunned.

That was 65ish pounds under my peak weight.

But I worked on it, worked on it, got back to where I was happy, about 220 again. Not exactly rock hard, but I don't really care. Light enough to run or bike or walk without shortness of breath, anything like that.

Well, when I was off work for over a month and then the better half was here last month, I shot back up to about 235.

For those not keeping track...I have weight issues. I struggle to keep it down to a manageable level. I picked up 15 pounds in 2 months.

So I went back to work on eating smaller portions. Got back down to 223, just 3 pounds over my first target (eventually I plan to get down to 210, but no hurry.)

And then...in a despicable, heinous act of hatred, I discovered that bag of Hersheys Special Dark Chocolate Kisses.

Oh, the temptation. Oh, the empty calories. Oh, what to do?

The only thing I could do. That bag is no longer there to tempt me.

No word yet on what the scale says...it saw me coming and made a new door in the back wall. *sigh*

I am so weak.