Just call me Caspar

We are having a pot luck at work and, being the slacker type of person, I really did not feel like making anything. Therefore, the plan was to swing in to Winco and pick up a bag of cookies or something equally pointless. So I did.

Now, that sounds like a simple task but with me...is it ever?

So I get there and decide Oreos sound good. But anymore it is not just Oreos...there is a veritable plethora of Oreo choices.

Allow me to digress momentarily with an ode to the greatness of a specific turn of phrase, specifically "veritable plethora". There is just something about the way that phrase rolls off the tongue that renders it quite possible the most underused word in the English language, even when compared to "knave". Plethora alone would be worthwhile, but combining plethora with veritable? Pure genius. We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

There are regular Oreos and of course the venerable Double Stuff. But wait...now there are more.

There are Golden Oreos.

There are Chocolate Oreos.

There are Peanut Butter Oreos.

So many choices of sandwich cookie goodness, but how to know which to choose? Being merely mortal, I paused to consider my options.

With standard Oreos you know what you are getting; classic, delicious, comfortable like an old shoe that somehow fits your fit perfectly without the stench of a heavily sweated in shoe. You know it will work, it is always there for you. Double Stuff is in the same vein only just that little bit sweeter.

But what are these Golden Oreos? Dare I dive into the dangerous waters of a different color? And what does it mean for that sweet, creamy filling?

Don't even get me started on the confusion engendered by tempting combinations such as chocolate filling or peanut butter filling...how would those compare to Smores or Reeses Peanut Butter Cups? So many choices!

So as I am pondering my snack-related dilemma, an existential quandary of epic proportions to be sure, another shopper enters the aisle I am on. Time for another side-trip.

For those who have never shopped at Winco, it is a warehouse-type shopping center with aisles somewhere between 1 and 2 miles long and about a million feet wide. You could probably hold a NASCAR race in there with plenty of space left open for shoppers. It is not particularly crowded, particularly at 6:30 in the morning.

I glanced down at him as he entered the aisle and returned my attention to the problem before me. Which to choose? Presently I became aware of his cart approaching.
"Excuse me" he said. I looked behind me...nobody there, plenty of room to pass behind me. I was a couple feet from the shelf to take in all the options but not even 10% of the way into the aisle. He could easily pass behind me. Whatever, I was feeling mellow. I said sure and took a couple steps back so his cart could pass by.

Except it didn't. He stopped. Directly in front of me. And NOT to look at the Oreos. What the smurf? I looked to my left. Nobody in site. I looked to my right. Nobody in sight. I looked behind me. Nobody there. In other words, THERE WAS ABOUT 10,000 EMPTY SQUARE FEET OF SPACE ON THE SMURFING AISLE! There was no reason whatsoever for him to stop there.

So I did the only thing I could. I reached out and shoved his cart about 100' down the aisle. Hope he enjoyed the chase as much as I enjoyed giving him instant karma for his asinine behavior. Not that mine was much better, but seriously...I was obviously trying to choose between something on the shelf in front of me, whatever he was looking for was nowhere near there...don't stop in front of me. I am not as nice as you think I am.

Just sayin'