How to convince someone?

Last week at work was ...well...stressful.

I went Decades without stress. Even after the back end of the Andrea period of my life I never really got stressed. Just lay back, roll with the punches, let it flow. But lately that has been changing.

Due to the nature of working in the building materials industry, business has turned. It got super slow. So the company scaled back the number of people working here. By a lot. So much so that it could be argued too much is the appropriate word. And I have gotten stressed. How stressed?

Well...I either have an ulcer or have sustained a series of minor heart attacks. I suspect the former. Either way, the near constant shooting pain through the left side of my chest is absolutely related to job stress.

There was a 3 day stretch where the FEWEST calls I took in an 8 hour day was 143. The other 2 were both over 155. That is incoming calls. In a business where an average call lasts over 2 minutes and you need some time to write up orders/quotes/etc., that is a bit much. Even worse when you are on a call that has been 5 minutes+, have one light blinking telling you someone is waiting to speak specifically to you, another one is blinking telling you that you have voice-mails, you have a couple e-mails marked "urgent" that have come in, and another 4 -5 lines wanting to talk to anyone are blinking. On top of that, I often have to call out to vendors to access information. While working around incoming calls. And e-mails. And faxes. Sometimes this job really sucks.

After a horrific week like that one where every...single...day was just brutal and horrific, it now takes me a while to wind down. Never used to. Used to be the second that work door hit me where my anatomy splits me I left it behind. Moved on ready for whatever.

Friday the traffic to get home was...well...not good. When my speedometer hit 20 MPH my nose started bleeding because it was so high. A drive that is 30 - 35 minutes at most in the morning was well over an hour. I was so stressed that not only my chest hurt, even my back hurt.

And it was tough to unwind.

When I am trying to unwind I get quiet. Very quiet. Anyone who knows me know this is NOT my natural state. I am loud, always have a comment, a quip, a wise-crack handy. So obviously if I am quiet there must be a reason.

I am also not particularly deep. I will tell you the reason. For example, the Goose asked if everything was okay. I believe my reply was something along the lines of, "long week. Sucked. Stressed."

Which, by the way, was about my entire conversation the rest of Friday.

Saturday was a bit more verbal. "Uh." "Hmm" "Eh." "mmmph."

This is hard on the Goose because she talked to, by a conservative estimate, about 1.3 million fewer people during the week. So she wants to talk. But I just want to wrap myself in my own little cocoon. Doesn't really matter what I do. Watch a movie, read a book, play Xbox, sit on the couch staring into space...doesn't really matter, I just need some time to unwind.

When one person wants to basically spend a little time all but incommunicado and the other wants some verbal interaction, that can itself be stress-inducing I would suppose.

So that was sort of not cool because I tried, I really did, but I just could not bring myself to really talk a lot Friday night. Or Saturday.

Which was uncool too because that was the day of my nephews' 4th b-day party. So we were hanging at my brother's place for a while. Both brothers and their wives, one of our friends and his wife, and one guy too young to have a wife yet.

I think I got out about 5 words in the 3 or 4 hours we were there.

That is just how I deal with it, how I have always dealt with the (formerly) infrequent occasions when I get stressed out to the limit of my ability to handle it. I get very, very quiet.

Which is actually a good thing in many ways. If I didn't I am pretty sure the things I would say would be horrible. Caustic. I have at times a sharp tongue towards random strangers who irk me. But I work hard to NOT have said tongue towards those I care about. At times it comes out. I try to avoid that.

And an easy way to avoid it is to not say much. For others, that might not be there best way but for me it is the best way.

No, "letting it out" is not good. A lot of blow-by happens to those who are there when it does. But if I just let it bleed away then all is good. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes it takes a couple days. But that is the only truly effective way for me to deal with ridiculous amounts of stress. Just going into a bit of a shell until the need has passed.

Now, how to explain that in words that make sense to someone who then is regularly asking, "Are you mad at me?"

"No, just quiet" doesn't work.
"No, why would I be?" doesn't seem to work.
"Nope. Just trying to relax from work" wasn't particularly effective.

This is one of those unfortunate instances where our different personalities don't mesh particularly well. Her need for frequent reassurance was not met by my need to not be communicating verbally.

Unfortunately, I am not easily able to convey just how deep-seated my stress level might be at any given time and not able to easily come out of it before I am ready.

On the bright side, with us there is no problem generated by this. Even though she may not "get" the way I am it does not get her all upset or vice versa. No arguments develop as a result.

Do I wish I was different? Sure. But I acknowledge how I am and deal with it. And so does she for which I am thankful. And who knows, maybe someday I will find other ways to deal with work weeks that make the guillotine sound attractive.

Until then, my main struggle is finding a way to communicate that I need that time to decompress. I am not angry or upset with anyone, there is nothing wrong other than I need time.

Strange how sometimes the most mundane is the most vital.