I may be a thief...but I am REALLY good with it

I have heard a lot of defenses by people accused of theft.

"They are a big company, they won't miss it."

"I take from the rich and give to the poor." (namely me...)

"I needed it."

"I wanted it."

Or O.J.'s classic defense that he will soon be on trial for, "I didn't steal it, it was mine and I was just repossessing it without paying for it."

Oddly, few, if any of those defenses get the accused off the hook. They need to try the approach instituted by Ernst Stummer. "Yep, somebody committed the crime you are talking about, and I steal lots of stuff...in fact, I am so good at stealing stuff that I am insulted you would accuse me of a theft done so poorly."

The best part? His defense worked, they agreed had he pulled the job, it would have been done better.