The Wedding

The wedding itself was everything I had hoped for. A good number of people, including a few I had not expected, showed up. I can think of very few people who did not make it that I wish had...and cannot think of any people who made it that I wish had not. As silly as it sounds...there are a few people I was glad did not make it as they have a way of taking strife with them wherever they go...never, in their minds, their own fault and yet it is always they who are at the center of things.

Emily's Dad was not able to be there which was sad but it did create what I think was one of the coolest parts. For the whole ceremony her phone was on a little podium behind her and he was able to hear the whole thing.

I guess the main reason I thought that was cool was what it represented. Emily is (rightfully) very close to John who has been a wonderful father to her. Her relationship with Ted, her natural father, has always been very strained. It was preparations for the wedding that drew them closer than perhaps they had ever been before. She was disappointed when his health did not allow him to make it...but in some ways I think the lengths they went to to ensure Ted could be there in some small way, even if it was only listening, will make it more meaningful to her than anything else could have if he had made it to the wedding where in some ways he would have been "just" one more guest. It certainly would have been awkward regarding the giving of the bride, the father-daughter dance, and so forth...and to be fair, those are roles that John has really earned. Yet Ted has, in the last few months, made a real effort to make amends for mistakes he made.

For example, when we went back to Phoenix a couple weeks ago when his sudden decline kicked into gear we were sitting around the kitchen table at one point and he said, "I was really a poor father to Emily." Now, first off I thought the response of everyone at the table was a bit brutal when they nodded and verbally assented to the statement. But even more to the point...that is an incredibly difficult thing to say. It is hard for any person to admit to mistakes but how much more difficult must it be to say something like that? But it showed to me that he recognized what had happened and was sorry for it and was trying to make amends. And that made it, for me at least, very meaningful to see him in the wedding in some way, even if it was something only 5 or 6 of us knew was happening.

There was one other thing that perhaps only Emily and I knew the meaning of that was pretty cool. In addition ot the candles we lit the unity candle with there were 2 small candles on the shelf. One was for my Mom and the other was for Emily's friend David.

David was the first real love of her life. He was a soldier in Iraq who ended up being killed by a squadmate. It was a horrible event that had a huge impact on Emily. Her memory of him is a part of her that I would never wish to take away and she wanted some memorial for him in the wedding and also suggested there should be one for Mom, so that was what we chose. It was those candles we used to light everyone else's candles during the candlelighting ceremony.

Sadly, we thought the overhead lights would be out for that portion. It would have been a cool look. Unfortunately, telling the Acadian that was our intent so the overhead lights remained on which kind of spoiled it...hopefully nobody minded. It was still fun, although not as cool an effect as we had hoped.

The speech was short and to the point which I appreciated. I have been at weddings where the presiding official seems to think if he just speaks long enough it will change things. Well...not to be rude...but if a couple has not settled their issues prior to getting to the ceremony an hour long sermon is not going to do it. Nobody is there to see the minister. Or hear him, for that matter. Bob did a phenomenal job. A few nice comments, then the vows...which I loved. I actually want to memorize them, they were really good.

And then we were done, shooting back up the aisle. A minor glitch occurred when we could not find the marriage certificate but it turned up, we signed, and it was time for the reception.