Top 5 ways to show your love II

5) Learn to tango. Perform it with someone else.

4) Take a class with a beautiful partner. Never mention her.

3) Comment on her appearance...like, "Wow, you picked up a lot of weight this week" or "Hmm. Lots of gray in your hair, isn't there?"

2) Tell her she is a placeholder until someone you care about comes along.

1) Since you think she likes her pet more than you, kill it with a hammer and feed it to her for dinner.

Hey, if you think this advice is bad, you should try reading Anne Landers or Dear Abby