Stop the madness

Upon further reflection, one would think the murder of 32+ people by a whack job has no room for humor. Then you bring me into the equation...tasteless, tacky, cold-hearted, uncaring, and always shooting for another joke...okay, so shooting may have been a poor choice of word there but I fired it off anyway.

The truth is I think I have figured out a way to stop the violence...or at least the mass murders. And my idea starts with something that has been historically prevalent.

Many societies have had compulsory military service. So that will be an element...compulsory service.

Many societies, particularly in the 20th century, had compulsory social assignments...some were picked early in life to be scientists, others to be athletes. So we will make the compulsion athletic.

Ping-pong. That is the answer.

Every person will be required to spend 4 - 8 years on a ping-pong team. Just think of the advantages. First off, everyone learns the valuable skill of playing ping-pong. This benefit alone will be worth the entire cost of the program. 2nd, it will build a sense of team as doubles teams are formed, team identity is established, and people realize they are never alone. We could call it the No Ping Pong Player Left Behind spirit. 3rd, once you have worn a goofy sweater and tried to harm someone by hurling a half-ounce air-filled ball in anger only to see it harmlessly curve away they will realize anger can be dealt with in non-lethal ways. Add to that the fury of sweater-and-shorts clad individuals fighting and suddenly they will figure out how ridiculous it all is and will just be friends.

So there you have it. Lobby your congressman now to start the ping pong revolution. That is, if you can tear him away from the foosball table long enough to listen.