Nicole Ritchie (sic) is my hero

Yeah, I know...how can she be my hero if I don't even know if I spelled her last name right...and even more to the point, am lazy enough to not bother to look it up. I mean, it isn't like information is hard to find on her. She is in the news again for her recent DUI arrest...
But then again, that is the very crux of this post. Exactly why do I know Nicole's name? Is it because she is talented? Let's check the history: no demonstrated singing or acting ability, no nominations for Nobel Peace prizes, is not, to the best of my knowledge any sort of author...no, we know her name because she is the daughter of Lionel Ritchie (sic) and the (former?) friend of Paris Hilton.
At least Paris is famous for a good reason. She is gorgeous...oh...wait a second...well, she is really smart about....uhm...she acts so well that...uh...she is an incredible singer...oh....uh...well....she has a famous last name. There it is.
These two yutzes are famous because they are. They contribute nothing, have demonstrated no talent whatsoever, celebrated their stupidity (whether they retardation they demonstrate is a genuine reflection of their intellect or is just a public persona might be open to debate but the truth is they act like people with negative iq's and are proud of that, openly flaunting their stupidity so it really doesn't matter if they are actually stupid or just act that way...to the U.S. they are overgrown imbeciles.
So they don't have to actually DO anything to be famous and reap the rewards of being famous. Notorious party girl Paris reputedly is paid hundreds of thousands of dollars every week to attend specific parties...which she would probably attend anyway. Huh? Tell me...are there really people out there who are such sad, pathetic losers that they will attend a specific club just because Paris the ho did? Get a clue people.
But sadly, I do know both their names and far more of their history together than anyone should...and that is despite an avowed and passionate disinterest in the lives of celebrities, particularly people like Nicole and Paris who are famous for being famous. At least Britney Spears got famous by making popular music before she went the Ritchie Road of retardation. At some point she demonstrated talent.Nicole and Paris are famous for no reason whatsoever. I guess that is why they are my heroes.
And now that the rant is over, here come the Nicole Jokes...like

You saw the police report for her Driving Under the Influence where it showed she weighed 85 pounds? Calista Flockhart still thinks Nicole is fat.
Apparently there was no alcohol involved...after all, you know how many calories are in a glass of alcohol? Instead she was singing Lionel's hit, "Say you...smoke tree"