Christmas crime; what could be sweeter?

Sugar could...but nowhere near as humurous.
Take, for example, the man who thinks he is Nancy Kerrigan. After his giant inflatable Frosty the Snowman died in a terrible screwdriver accident (where "accident" is defined as people maliciously wielding screwdrivers in a deliberate manner fully intended to puncture or otherwise deflate a large inflatable Frosty the Snowman) he was hear to say, "Why me? Why Frosty?" thus inextricably and irrevocably the names Matt Williquette, Nancy Kerrigan, Jeff Gillooly, and Tanya Harding. Now when we club someone on the knee we can say, "Why me? Why Nancy? and Why Frosty?"
Of course, he should have seen it coming. You DID notice where the article said, and I quote, "The snowman had survived two previous stabbing attempts."
How pathetic a criminal would you have to be to not even be able to stab to death an inanimate inflatable snowman? There must have been some magic in that old hat that he wore. Or words to that effect.
Of course, they were absolute geniuses next to Dawn Smith. Why, you ask?
An Oklahoma woman was arrested after she visited the Delaware County Jail with a Christmas card for her incarcerated boyfriend. Police said the card held marijuana, leading to Dawn Smith’s arrest.
There is a classic Simpsons episode where Homer is on tour with several bands, an obvious homage moment, by the way, when someone says, "Who ordered the London Symphonic Orchestra, possibly while high?" Police may have been saying, "Who brought this card laden with illegal substances into the jail, possibly while high?"
I guess the geniuses discussed in this post lead to a natural question. We have Nobel Prizes for everything...physics, peace, books...how come the Criminal Geniuses don't get one? We could have the Nobel Prize for Criminal Retardation or the Nobel Prize for Funniest Attempt to Break the Law or something. There have been so many strong candidates just this Christmas (although the existence of a group whose sole purpose seems to be tracking "nativity vandalism" indicates these might just be the ones made public from THIS YEAR ALONE) one suspects there are plenty of candidates.