a classic C-list ad

I am moving in with my fiancee and we are consolidating our stuff. Incidently we need to get rid of all of this furniture and stuff we dont use. I really would like to add a handgun to my collection. So if you want to get one off your hands, I want to make a deal with you. Here is a list of the stuff I want to trade away: Emerson microwave, Philips Magnavox 20" tv w/ remote, 5 adult dvds, pair of Motorola Walkabout 2way 40channel radios w/chargers, 4 large white soup bowls, SOG S.E.A.L. pup 5"knife. write me to make a deal we will both appreciate.

Okay, so you are moving in together and consolidating. Consolidation is good. After all, was it not the (pseudo) great poet Emerson who once famously wrote, "Simplify, simplify" as a means to improving ones life? So I think this chap is on to something.
I am a little curious why consolidating or moving in necessitates a handgun. I guess if he ever whacks her at least we will know it was premeditated. After all, with marriage licenses being issued by the department of war, it is pretty much assumed bad things will be happening.
Yeah, 2 microwaves...excessive...likewise, how many TVs, large white soup bowls, pairs of radios, and 5" pup knifes does one couple really need? Maybe he should hold onto that knife so after he shoots her he has a knofe to cut up the body with.
But what really got me laughing was the one thing he no longer needs now that they are consolidating. "5 adult dvd's."
Now, I am no expert on porn. Sure, like most gorgeous hunks of human flesh I have starred in a few, but as far as watching them...not so much. But aren't most porn movies aimed primarily at the "visual" males of the species? How big do their collections have to be that they have 5 duplicates? I guess there is no need for both to have a copy of "The Elephant Man and the Snake Charmer"...but why did they both have it? And how big will their collection be after their consolidation?