"Work is the curse of the drinking class" (Oscar Wilde)

Now, I have never been what you would consider slender. And it has never been all that important to me. Taking pride in my personal appearance is pretty far down my list of "Things important to the weasel", checking in just below "Contributing to Memberships in Hairclub for Men for Hairless Cats"...but still 3 spots above cleaning my apartment, so it isn't quite the bottom.
Anyway, my well-publicized trip to Bordonal resulted in the precipitous loss of 45 pounds, dropping me from around 265 to the Walmart Roll-back weight of 218. Naturally, I have picked about 10 of those back up, as I discovered yesterday when I went to the doctor.
I think the worse thing is the shrinkage...per his charts, I used to be a legitimate 6 feet...yesterday they measured me at a midgetine 5'10". Huh? Where did those 2" go? Not the first time I have heard that question...but in regards to my permanent height it is.
Well, first he does the classic "start them off with praise" nonsense routine. "Great job, your cholestoral counts are fixed, your diet is much improved, and great job on the weight."
Cool, things are going good. Then comes the gut punch.
He looks at a chart and says, "But I think you need to get down to about 170."
One. Smurfing. Seventy. How do I politely say the last time I weighed that little I was probably 15 and growing? When I look back at that number I can't even use binoculars. No, I would need to slide over and use the Hubble telescope and even there the proposition is iffy. That was a long, long time ago.
On the one hand, I do not care about my weight for appearance purposes. Un tiempo feo, todos tiempo feo. But for health purposes...yeah, it would be nice to be where I should. Frankly, on this one, i think they missed it. I would be so think you could count my ribs. So far in this piece I count 6 so far...(holy cheese, Batman...is he actually counting his jokes? what a smurfing maroon)
There has to be a healthy medium. I am not convinced the rocked up, ripped dudes who, in the words of one on Malcolm in the Middle "can always be huger and shinier) are really healthy, nor are those of us who, well, sometimes let our stomach belly as a flotation device during plane crashes. The good, healthy weight seems like it would be somewhere in the middle...a little padding is nice, you know?
So if you ever see me at 170, know you will only be seeing part of me. I will always keep a few extra lubs stowed away for safe keeping. After all, we don't want some wind to blow me away.