You are lucky to know me

As any of my friends can attest to, I am certainly an egomaniac. Why, conversations with me are nothing but investigations of how smart, how funny, how handsome, and how talented I am. And, of course, it is only right and natural that this should be the centerpiece and reality of our conversation.
I will laughingly pretend as if more validation of this truth were necessary and will, in fact, provide proof that I am just as talented as I so frequently state I am.
You see, I have on my computer desk at this moment two letters which only reinforce my greatness. I shall share them with you.
The first was written July 7th. Let me just repeat here the first line from the first paragraph. "Dear Drew, I would like to inform you of your nomination as Poet of the Year for 2005 and to personally invite you to read your poetry at the single largest gathering of poets in history, where you will be formally inducted as an International Poet of Merit and Honored Member of our Society for 2005-2006."
I know, I know, you really are not cool enough to be communicating with someone nominated for Poet of the Year, you cannot possibly believe someone as important as an International Poet of Merit actually considers you a friend. And just to further illustrate the point, let me quote more of this shi....shining example of admiration for my marvelous work. Sorry about that stutter there...the light of brilliance shining from me was reflecting off the computer screen and blinded me for a moment.
At I present my poetry, I "will be presented with your 'Outstanding Achievement in Poetry' Silver Award Bowl. I am still trying to figure out where to put it. So many awards for brilliance, so little wall space...Not only that, they are going to give me "a beautiful and colorful Commemorative Award Medallion to honor your poetic dedication and achievements.
Now, perhaps you think I am yanking your chain, even though the italics actually are direct quotes from this letter. Maybe you think I am just trying to be funny and that I do not actually believe all this. I should really be forthright about this, then.
Not to namedrop, but here are some of the names who will be at this gathering of greatness...and, by the way, no poetic gathering could be considered great if I were not in attendance...here are the names..."Pulitzer Prize-winning poet W.D. Snodgrass, Academy of American Poets Past Chancellor David Wagoner, Dr. Herbert Woodward Martin, Dr. Grace Cavalieri, and over a dozen other poetry celebrities..."
No doubt some of you do not realize who all of these dignitaries are. Pardon me if I cannot disabuse you of all your ignorance...after all, great poets like me must...wax poetic, ponder poetry, pontificate our next lyrical masterpiece...we do not have time for you peons. Google them.
No doubt some of you are laughing your smurf off right now, thinking this is just my latest comedic attempt. That would be those of you familiar with my status as a previously thrice published poet, including internationally and on an exciting cd set to music. You also would be the ones aware of my absolute hatred for the "poetic inspiration of the soul" or whatever the smurf all that nonsensical stuff is. I don't believe in soulmates...I don't have a poetic bone in my body. You are probably having a difficult time reconciling my poetic truth with my newfound love of poetry. Well, you might think it is a joke, but check out my new signature...

Drew
International Poet of Merit, 2005
International Society of Poets member, 2005-2006
4 time published poet, once internationally
writer of crap