Why I think stalking is funny

I like to think I am culturally aware enough to avoid ever advocating anything that in any way, shape or form advocates domestic violence. It is an issue totally devoid of humor. Except, of course, when it is a 5’, 120 pound woman wailing on a 6’3”, 300 pound man. That will always be funny. Other than that, there is simply no time, place, or excuse for violence within the household.
Furthermore, there is a full range of related issues that intrinsically have no humor potential. Rape is never funny. Murder can be if done with the right instruments. How would you like to stand before the pearly gates and explain how you died; “I was feeding the fish but the lid dropped off. I reached in to get it and my wife, who was angry at me for some reason, possibly for forgetting to pick her up from the airport, dropped in a curling iron and, well, here I am”. That would be pretty funny. Otherwise, murder probably should not be joked about.
Another subject that should probably be avoided when you are trying to be funny is stalking. People are terrorized every year by someone watching their every move, calling them at odd hours, showing up at various venues to keep tabs on them, and other surreal behavior.
I have never really understood stalking. It seems like a lot of people who do it are trying to get someone who used to like them but stopped to start liking them again. I wonder how that internal monologue goes.
Brain: “Brittany doesn’t like you anymore.”
Brain B: “I know. I still like her, though. I need to get her back.”
Brain: “Forget it, move on. She has, you should too.”
Brain B: “Yes, I could do that. After all, Samantha likes me. But I have a better idea. I will follow Brittany everywhere she goes. I will go through her garbage. I will call her at all hours of the day and night. When she goes on a date, I will stand at the restaurant window and watch. When she goes to bed, I will watch that too. I will send her flowers and chocolates at work No, I will take them myself.”
Brain: “Good idea! That just might work!”
Of course, what is overlooked here is exactly how much work is involved in this process. You have so many things to keep track of. You have to be in some sort of shape so you can trail her properly. I think stalkers have many overlooked abilities. Sure, they could be put to better, non-felonious purposes, but would they have the same effect?
I am afraid I am just not good stalker material. That sounds like a lot more effort than I feel like putting in. If I ever get so pathetic and desperate that I need to start stalking, I think I will pick someone in the cemetery already. That way I will always know where they are. I don’t need to get filthy going through their garbage and won’t be harassed by the police after she calls them. If I want to send her flowers I don’t even need to leave my post of watching over her. It would be so much easier.