Supertones...super disappointment

On occasion I decide to treat myself. Tonight I was early for our bowling league so I dropped into Lloyd Center to see if one of my favorite groups had anything new.
Now, far be it from me to say anything negative about the hobbies of other people. After all, my favorite hobby involves cards based on one of the lowest common denominator forms of entertainment in the United States today. Still, what I saw there...that was horrible.
I have never really gotten tap dancing. Yeah, it is a skill. I am just not sure why anyone would want it. Kind of like being able to tell the difference between spoiled ham and vomit...bully for you, that skill must make you awfully proud.
I also absolutely despise the "whine" of country music. It does nothing for me. I don't like the negativity and depressing tones associated with it. I am sure it has some redeeming value, I just haven't figured out what that is. The great irony here is I occasionally listen to it when I am hanging out with people who enjoy it.
Square dancing seems like it might be mildly amusing. (editors note; someone is feeling feisty tonight, so you probably do not want to keep reading if you are easily offended) The thing I cannot figure out about square dancing is if the people wearing those hideous, ridiculous costumes actually think they look good. I am not sure what is worse...the flaring, petticoat laden dresses, the vaguely fluorescent suits, or the shortness and flounciness of outfits worn by nobody sounth of 60. Memo to the elder generation; sagging flesh and varicose veins ain't attractive to anyone who doesn't need trifocals with the magnifying power of the hubble telescope.
Fortunately, Lloyd Center was able to combine all these terrible ideas into just one activity. Even more impressive, they found a way to make it worse. How is this possible, you ask? Oh, it is possible. Improbable...but possible. A terrible idea...but possible.
They had tap square dancing lessons...on ice. Yes, tonight the ice rink was full of people who remember when Roosevelt was running the country...Teddy, not Franklin....tap-square dancing on ice in high heels to hideous music.
I have seen some things before that made me want to gouge my eyes out. I have read some horrible things...I am just finishing Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown, easily one of the greatest books ever written. But nothing could have prepared me for the train wreck that nearly blinded me tonight.
It was almost impossible to walk around Lloyd Center without brushing past some oldsters in their quite trendy (I assume the more hideous an outfit, the more trendy it is) outfits roaming around.
To top my night off, one of my all time favorite groups did, indeed, have a new CD out. The O.C. Supertones absolutely rock. They have the harmonious screaming guitars, the soaring brass instruments, the rap-rock vocals...I absolutely adore the Supertones. In 5 cds they have had maybe one song I did not enjoy, so I bought the new one sound unheard.
I got out to my car, popped it open, put it in, put the car in gear...and almost drove into the car ahead of me. What was that sound coming from my speaker?
It was not my beloved ska-like supertones. It wasn't even a toned down version. This...this was like Steven Curtis Chapman. This was Michael W. Smith crooning, not the Tones rocking. It was despicable!
For the first time in my entire life, I did not listen to a song clear through the first time I put a cd in. In fact, I skipped the next one too...and the one after it...and the next...it was a worse train wreck than the stupidity going on in the ice rink.
This was akin to wanting to listen to Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven and instead getting Ashley Simpson's squawking that got her bood off stage at the Orange Bowl. This is putting in Elvis and hearing Alvin and the Chipmunks. This was dipping an oreo in milk and tasting spinach flavored cottage cheese. This was Clinton or Bush getting 4 more years. And I don't mean in the penitentiary...
Fortunately, I still had bowling to redeem the evening. Well, it would have redeemed it...except in not one game did I match my average...in fact, I averaged almost 17 pins per game below my average...oh, well. Look at the bright side. I will stay up all night lest I have nightmares about neon pink and blue petticoats tapdancing to the Supertones...